Battle stations

Well here's the good news, I got the internship at Smith Barney! Yes I know I keep hearing how darn impressive that is and what it could mean for my future, bla bla bla yada yada yada. Perhaps I am underscoring the importance of this meaningful internship. I don't know maybe it is more important than I think it is, because I have no idea what the normal person has to do to get one of these things considering how this whole thing was orchestrated by my brothers friend. So is it hard to get in with this company? or is it relative to who you know?

Today this huge packet arrived in the mail from them with a ton of paper work to be filled out. When I say a ton I mean a ton! some 40 pages to be signed, read, initialed, dated, faxed, and what not. Who knew being an intern meant I had to fill out a bunch of employment papers. I thought it was all easy and just show up kind of crap. Too bad they don't offer me insurance. Looks like I got a long night ahead of myself.

Speaking of insurance, another huge packet of information came from Department of Human Resources. Now your probably wondering why I am getting stuff from DHS? Well its long and complicated but its so I can get my crazy pills for free. YAY! Free health care and free meds. When I went and got one of my prescriptions filled for a 60 pills, I asked how much they would cost without my voucher, and I was surprised to learn it would be $260! Just for 60 pills that I need to take for the rest of my life! And that's only one of 4 of my prescriptions! I look forward to worrying about how I am going to get those in the years to come, but then again the meds help not to worry so much about things like that.

As long as I'm on the topic of medication, I want to cover something that really irritates me as of late. People keep telling me that "oh your on medication I would never do that, you can fix it yourself you must be week." Or I hear a lot of "oh I would never take medication, it makes you all numb so you cant feel any emotions." You know what I feel when I hear that one, like punching that person in the face. Now does that sound like a person who can't feel any emotions? First I am not week I have proven that to myself time and time again, and if anything have the courage to go on medication proves my willingness to overcome anything that stands in my way of obtaining happiness. I have a very strong will indeed. It is the unfortunate truth that the emotions I feel are far beyond my control regardless of my strength to combat them. I have a genetic predisposition to this, not my fault, and if anything I am capable of feeling even a wider range of happiness and enjoyment because my mood is very stable now and more positive. My medication also grants me the ability to once again go out into the world and not feel like someone is going to punch me in the back of the head, or from having an all out panic attach! Another thing, if the medication you take "makes you feel all numb" then its probably the wrong stuff for you, and you probably shouldn't be taking it. If you want to feel "all numb," you might as well start doing heroin and drinking full time.