Fear

Envelopes me as the time for my departure encroaches. I don't know how being truly excited about something can turn into a double edged sword. I am really looking forward to this change yet at the same time I am terrified with how it might go. Its like my trek across country was a cake walk compared to this. At least then I knew I could come home, but soon I will be thrust out into the world on my own not welcome to return. I view this as my final sendoff much like a bird falling from the nest learning to fly and I know its time, but nothing really prepares you for this. I guess I'm mostly scared I'll fail. That I wont be able to hack it and everything will come apart and my wings wont work sending me smashing into the ground. I know it all sounds so trivial, but my anxiety's about life have been in overdrive lately. My mind, I guess in an effort to cope with my current level of stress, has been all over the place making it very difficult to focus on tasks at hand. I've been having trouble sleeping (even on my new mattress) and have been suffering from one headache after another. Time to stop fighting the inevitable and jump headlong into the suck!