About A House?

A wise man once told me "Do what ever makes life interesting." He also said "If things get you to crazy you should step away for a while." To tell the truth, it wasn't a wise man that said those words it was my little bro and he makes a very good point. Well those might not have been his exact words but he said something to that effect.

The reason I bring this up is, well, I think I may have reached the point with Becky where I might have to take a break and step away. Not just for my sake, but for her. I have been very optimistic that she might come around and feel the same way I feel about her. I know she has some very strong emotions towards me, but she seems to be fighting them. I don't think she's ready for me. I seem to have compounded her situation. I may be wonderful and all, but I can't make her forget about him and its wrong of me to try. He was a major part of her life and in my ignorance I expected her to be swept away by me and to just let her five years with him go. This was a very wrong expectation and I think my mom says "making expectations only ends in disappointment." Dissapointment, ah how I feel its sting often, yet I never learn.

Time with Becky definitely has made my life interesting. Thanks to her, I have managed to actually take advantage of most of my summer. If I hadn't met her, my summer would most likely have been spent inside playing CS and BF2 for hours on end. I have had some amazing laughs, amazing times and she made me feel the sweet amazing taste of cloud nine. In other words what LOVE, for real, feels like. I had thought I had felt it before with Karen, maybe Heather, a little with Gina, but this time I know for sure I felt it with Becky! She...... is nothing short of AMAZING and the time I spent with her was never a waste! Its odd how a girl can change a mans life. I mean make him want to be a better person and better himself. Maybe not all girls have that effect on men, but this girl, I mean, WOW! I can't explain it but when I am around her all this shit seems so very trivial.

Now we seem to be at a stalemate or more like a crossroads. What ever she decides will set our paths in the same or quite possibly very different directions. At this point this relationship is not moving in any direction other then friendship. Its like, "if you blow chunks in front of her and she bales then it was never meant to be, but if you blow chunks and she stays it will be forever!" Maybe that's not the quote I was looking for.....Waynes World anyone? Its so tough for me because I just want what she wants for her self, and I don't think I'm apart of what she wants. I am so confused and frustrated at the same time. I am here, then there, then here again then I'm over there again, oh how my heart is torn.