All Good Things Must Have New Beginings V1.1

I have done some thinking since I wrote this last night. I am acting like a love struck school girl when expecting reactions or trying to predict how things should go. These are both no no's! If Becky doesn't feel the same way about me, well then its out of my hands. I am expecting her to be all lovey dovie towards me the way I am toward her. Well this is an unfair expectation and it is unfair for me to be mad at her for not acting a certain way if she doesn't feel that way. I can't force her to nor should I want to. I shall continue to enjoy her company as always. My little bro gave me some good advice on the matter and I've taken that to heart. My only fear now is that I have been overly aggressive with my pursuits and am smothering her, something I never intended to do. I am also have a bad habit of over examining things. There could be hundreds of reasons for what "I perceive to be her standoffish behavior." The reason for the quotes is my perspective on reality is skewed do to my strong emotions towards her. For all I know she thinks everything is cool. In any event I am trying to relax and just enjoy the ride. She is an amazing person I wish you all could see her through my eyes. I should change the title from "all good things come to an end," because this isn't an ending if anything its a new begining, a way to be more creative. I'm sure good times will still roll in just not how I expect them to nor should I try to undermine my time spent with her because its quality no mater what I would like it to be.

It seems as tho the past two magical days for me were a mere dream. I thought it was all coming together nicely.

last night Becky and I spent a divine evening back at the fountain in Carol Stream. We held hands and strolled through the park chatting and laughing as usual. I felt so euphoric and at peace with her. We came to rest at under the gazebo where she told me before that she couldn't be with me, except this time it was far from both our minds. She sang me a song with her angelic voice and I held her in my arms. Any passer by's would have been fooled to think we were an item. I pulled every minute of our time together into my mind saving this special moment in my head for eternity. It all seemed so wonderful like how LOVE is supposed to be. As we went to leave I grabbed her face in romantic way and was going in for a kiss, when I noticed fear in her eyes. She began to pull away and I let her.

So we made plans to do something today, to take advantage of the exceptional weather. Right from the beginnings I could tell something was a miss. I don't know what, but it was almost like starting from scratch. As if the night before meant nothing or didn't exist. Like she let her guard down but now the wall was up again. Where, when, why? I mean I don't think I said or did anything different then usual. I am completely dumbfounded! Perhaps I should just except the fact.......no fuck that! I just wish I had some incite into what is going on in her head.Its like she keeps trying to break up with me even though were not going out yet.

Someone left a comment about how I should delete my post about Becky in case she finds this page. I welcome her to find this blogspot, if she hasn't already. Here is everything I have felt for her from our humble beginnings to now. It is honest and I don't believe I have said anything negative about her. Only my grumblings with my own short fallings and inability to swoon her. Which probably makes me sound like a desperate looser. So whats the next move? Well to continue on. The way she makes me feel is amazing and I wouldn't trade that for anything.