A Year Later And A Dollar Short

Almost hard to believe at least for me. I mean, I never thought I would have made it this long. Yep thats right I've been sober for a year. Its funny because I remember a year ago to remind myself to remember the precise date I quit drinking. Now a year later all I can recall was it was sometime around the 4th of July. I remember this because we all went over to celebrate at James's new house in the middle of no where, also know as Carie Illinois!

It's kind of funny because no one thought I could do it. Everyone at James' house was poo pooing the idea. They were like "what, Francis you quit drinking? Yeah right have a beer! Your not quitting for good right?" Well I would hear those remarks for the next couple of months until they all caught on that I was serious about not drinking.

So how has not drinking for a year effected my life? Well, I was supposed to get my life in order and figure out what I was going to do with it. Well I kind of accomplished thoes goals and then again not really. First I was supposed to find a new job, but that's still a work in progress. I was supposed to move out, and that hasn't happened. The main accomplishment was piece of mind. I am mentally a LOT healthier. And by A lot I mean a ton fucken healthier. Although some of you reading this might beg to differ. My ever present diarrhea has taken a side line and I've been sailing on the solid stool ship for quit some time now! I feal better in general and there has been a definite change in my attitude. Don't get me wrong, I still get depressed, but instead of drinking till I can't walk, talk, or think, I deal with my problems. No more cutting ones self! My mother even thinks that I have been a much better person and a lot less moody and easier to get a long with.

unfortunately I have traded one addiction for another and that seems to be my online gaming. Instead of staying up all night drinking, I play Counter Strike or Battlefield 2. Well not as destructive as drinking, it's not exactly making my life better. But still, I make strides for self improvement. I still haven't gotten used to this insomnia thing. Knocking down Unisom day after day isn't healthy on my kidneys. I looked into extended use of the product.

Well it hasn't been easy staying sober. If you read back through this blog, which thank god I found this little gem for my thoughts, you would know it hasn't been an easy trip. Most people don't understand what I go through on an almost daily basis. You know it shouldn't be a struggle to not drink. Like they say in AA, "one day at a time." That is the only way to deal with the affliction. I make a choice every day not to drink. Not to drink, not to drink, not to drink! as you read that it probably had no effect on you, but to me, its now my way of life. I hold strong and steadfast, because I know I can't go back to that. Not even one beer. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy, and I can't be, I can't go back to that. At least not now. Maybe when I retire like Frank and completely give up on life even when its not even close to being over, I will waste my funds and precise time on drinking at the local shit hole! But thats a long time from now and I will deal with it when I get there.

But heres to a year of sobriety as I hold a nice tall cold Coca-Cola in the air, I say "Nostrovia" or "Cheers" fun and confidence don't have to be found in a can!