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I was hoping I wouldn't have to write this post, but it seems it was the inevitable. As it would turn out and it will always be, my bother Jon will never be wrong. As often as he is right about certain things I would like to believe he will always be wrong. I hate to listen to reason. So what was he right about

At a late breakfast at Denny's, 4pm to be exact, Jon pointed out inherent flaws in my pursuit of Becky (I promise this will be the last post I talk about Becky). As it is, I was unconsciously using my pursuit of her to distract me from myself and my problems. I lost site of my goals. Everything I wanted to do some how got lost in the mix up of emotions I was having. I got so caught up in in Becky I forgot/lost interest in what it was that I wanted to do. Perhaps these were just ambitious ideas of grandeur, but still I was optimistic that I might someday accomplish these ideas. Then again?

Well Becky made it clear that she couldn't/wouldn't be with me and that she "had found a great friend in me." Now I am tired of girls telling me this and as we all know, this is the death blow. After a series of unfortunate events that touched her life she was thrust into quite the conundrum in her relationship with her X and me. There is nothing I could say to this. Disappointment is something I will never get used too, even though I feel its sting quite often. I guess I was overly hopeful that sparks would fly. For a second there I thought I was falling in love with this girl. Just the hopeless romantic in me, I got to quit basing my life on movies.

So now its time for me to get back to where I wanted to go......Where ever the fuck that was? I guess its time to focus back in on my self and what I need to be doing to get out of this house. This is indeed a real disappointment for me. Like I said, I have never felt the type of admiration or respect for a girl before, like I do with Becky. I, the king of pointing out flaws and imperfections, couldn't find one on her. Stupid brain with its chemicals and what not controlling emotions.