I Am in a World of Shit

Uh, life just seems to be getting worse and worse for me. At least in my own mind it is. I don't know what happened...well actually I do but its a long story. So to sum it up, I graduated school went to Live in Denver Colorado. Had a job that didn't last long and then had another job that didn't last long. I went off my medication, went crazy, and burned my bridge with my little brother. Now I'm back in Chicagoland stuck living with my parents, unemployed, and very unhappy. I have anxiety attacks every hour on the hour. I feel trapped and cornered with no way out. Whats a guy to do?

Now its thought that I was naive for thinking companies would line up to give me a job. To the contrary I never thought that for a second. I knew it was going to be hard, but not this hard. I didn't expect to be handed a good job, however I didn't expect the economy to tank. All I want is a little place to show I have the skills. I want an opportunity! Is that too much to ask?

Everything was going so well over the past few years that I forgot what its like to be miserable. Now that I'm miserable again, I remember what its like to want to take your own life on a daily basis. Its a horrible sensation! Depression and anxiety have clouded my mind and my judgement. I can't live like this. I've done all of this before and I refuse to be like this.

What did I do?

I guess I changed my user name and password a few...... lets just say a long time ago and after about an hour of trying various combinations I finally figured it out. What a relief that was. Unfortunately, given my short term memory I already forgot the combination. Jesus I need to keep track of these things a lot better.

Perhaps its time to reinvestigate myself

Ah its been a long time since I put words down on the Internet. It's been a wile my old friend. Once again I need to return to blogging to seek refuge from my current situation. I have problems and lots of them. Dealing with them is another story.

2,416,960,000 Miles

Thats the total distance I've traveled on this ride we call life. Just sitting one this big blue dot I've made 26 trips around the sun. Thats right I'm 26!

It's exciting and a bit scary knowing that I'm now over the hump of my 20's and 1 day closer to 30. Its odd because I find myself around a lot of younger kids here at school, and I have begun lying about my age. Gasp, Lye about my age, thats something woman do.

Last year was a good year to be 25, and this year will be a good year to be 26.

My birthday this year was quiet, much similar to last year 3. no lavish gifts or people bubbling to take me out. I guess now its nice to just have some peace and reflect. I spoke to my brothers which was gift enough. It makes me happy to know we are all so far away, but manage to remain so close.

Happy birthday me.

Why I Stopped Blogging

I have been thinking about this for some time now, why have I stopped blogging? I used to blog with consistent frequency, at least a few times a month, then some how my interest wained. Why? I think its because my life has a new found purpose. I no longer have ample amounts of time on my hands to sit and write. I have things to do, playing videogames, doing homework, making new friends. There are numerous stories I would like to share with you all. For the time being, they remain unwritten. I'm not saying I am done with this blog, but I think it served an invaluable purpose in my life. I was able express my frustrations, depression, and manic ideas. I'll be back when the time is right.

Look on the bright side of life

Its that time of year when people deck out their houses and the depressing Christmas songs start playing on the radio. You either love this time of year or you loathe it. I am one of those that loathe it.

I don't know where my hate for Christmas originated from, I just don't like it. All that building and building of material gain, and then wammo, its over and what do you have? Shit you don't want and people you don't care to see. At least thats how it sort of is in our family. I don't know maybe having your dad call you a nigger on Christmas can have adverse side effects. Perhaps movies and TV lie to you about the whole Christmas miracle thing, when in reality that shit don't happen to no-one. I'm not trying to be a Grinch, but....well bah-humbug

Look on the bright side of life

Its been quite a year for my family, a lot has happened to all of us Chereck's and its time to reflect on our good fortune.

The biggest surprise to everyone in our family was my brother Jon's decision to go to college and of all places, in Alaska! As of late he seems a little bummed about the whole Klondike thing, but we are all immensely proud of the progress he's making and the chances he's taking in life. I think its safe to say he's having an experience we're all a bit jealous of.

My little Bro Andrew, is still plugging away in Colorado. He's set to graduate in May and already has companies lining up to take him aboard. He's doing great and is following his dreams of working on some spacecrafts.

My Mom is still with my Papa. I don't know why but thats none of my business. She's making clay whistles that seem to be working out pretty darn well. She also lost about 20lbs this year, and is looking the best she's ever looked since before she met my dad. She enjoys her new legs a lot and does all sorts of sports activities that she never had a chance to do before.

Old Manicus Maximus enjoyed another year of sitting at the bar getting drunk and playing "the game". The good news is nobody tried to mug him this year. He's also laid off being a cock-smack to me and I have accepted his flaws and am civil toward him.

My sister Mandy is having another kid! that makes two nephews. Her husband is having some spotty luck with their restaurant. Its a tough biz in the food industry, that and his brother fucked him over on a bad buisness deel.

My Sister in-law Kim graduate with a bachelors of science in chemistry, not something to sneeze at. My brother Chris is doing ok, his current career path has him a bit perturbed. He's in the process of fixing up his basement and I've been helping out when I can.

Ah what a year for me. God its amazing when I think about the progress I've made. Got my head sorted out, and am excelling in school beyond my expectations, Deens list bitces! I'm active in two clubs, the Public Relations Student Society, and FUTURE. I just got elected (I ran unopposed) to be the Director of Alumni Affairs for FUTURE. My job title seems strait forward, but I still don't know what I'm supposed to do. As my roommate graduates in a few days, I'm all set to move into my new place.

So thats the Cherecks In a nut shell. Hopefully our good luck will continue on into 2007.

Distress

My mind hurts.....