A Present For Lokstro

Lokstro's birthday is tomorrow, I can't figure out what the hell to get him. I still owe him big from my birthday and Christmas. He always gets me something, and I always fail him by not getting him anything. He' s just so hard to shop for, You saw the picture, what the hell do you get a man with a Mohawk?

I was reminded by email that the Rolling Stones are coming around for another tour of Chicago in January. My earlier attempts to score tickets failed. You might be wondering why I would want to get him Stones tickets? I'll tell you why. It all goes back to our senior year of high School, man that's seems like a long time ago, I was dating a real pickle of a girlfriend, Karen. She was a mean emotion wreck, I couldn't do anything right for her. So she would subsequently break up with me every three days or so, like clock work. Any ways I had gotten Rolling Stones tickets for the both of us, and the day of the concert Karen decided she didn't want to see me anymore and broke up with me. Well I wasn't going to let that keep me from a seeing the Stones before they died. So I asked Lokstro if he would fill her seat. He was ecstatic, which is odd because I never took him as a Stones fan, I really wasn't one either, I only liked a few of their songs. So I was getting ready to leave that night, when I got a call from Karen and she gave me her sob story about how she was sorry and this and that and I expected her apology. Now I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had the tickets with Karen, but in her absence I invited Lokstro. I was fucked. So it came down to this, not about who I liked better, but who I was going to get sex from after the show. Ah the mind of the adolescent. As I approached Lokstro's house he was already coming down his driveway to great me. He hopped in the car and was like "Alright the Rolling Stones lets get ready to rock!" Thats when I had to break the news to him. "ahhhhhh dude, I uhh...got ughhh some uh baadd news?"
He was totally taken off guard by this and was like "what man did Mic Jager die or something, is the show cancelled?"

"Uhhhh well you see dude its like this, I uhhh, well I kinda got back together with......."

"Dude fuck you man, what the hell are you doing with that chick, she's a lunatic! I can't fucken believe you man, I mean seriously, what the fuck!"

I really didn't have a response for that because I new I was being shitty but then I explained about the sex thing and he seemed to understand a little. Still he never forgave me for that, in fact he still brings it up even all these years later. Well that story and the time I welched on paying him $50 to jump in bed with Slep's dad. Who would have thought he actually would have done it? So what a better gift then to get him some Stones tickets. If you could buy them. Ticketmaster sucks, why does it say theirs tickets on sale when theres not! I tried like 20 times and nadda, so with that option out the window, I don't know what the hell to get him. All I know is I failed him again. This also reminds me of the time I sent away for Jerry Springer tickets for his 18th birthday, and when a envelope came from the show, I was sure there were tickets inside. I gave the envelope to Lokstro on his birthday and his eye lit up. He tore into the envelope and an even bigger surprise laid inside, it was a letter telling me that I forgot to enclose my phone number on my request for the tickets so I would have to re-request them! Man was he bummed its like I have a way of getting his hopes up and then dashing them. I think after that's when I gave up trying to get him anything.

Plan For the Worst and Prey for the Best

So the saying goes. I have been putting some serious thought into all that could go wrong as I travel west. Worst case Scenario (I'm a pessimist) I wind up dead. Thats worst case, but you never know when your tickets been pulled. So I have decided to get my affairs in order and leave some sort of will or instructions. I do have a good amount of crap that would need to be divided up. It goes beyond personal possessions, maybe I should leave notes to all my loved ones? Just so they know how I feel about them. Wouldn't want anyone thinking I went out with hard feelings.

It's hard for me to believe that I am actually leaving in a couple of days. Well those plans may be postponed a day or two do to a developing head cold, that keeps getting worse. Thank you once again for the tenth time older bro! Don't want to hit the road with a head cold, especially going into the mountains.

I got a phone call today from a voice I recognized instantly as Jon from the Office Max. The stony baloney kid that had me all concerned about my business cards. It was actually an odd conversation like he was calling me to hang out. I answered with a "hello?" to which he replied with "ahhh Francis?........."

"yes this him."

"Yeah....its Jon." I guess I was supposed to know who he was (even though I did) because he paused for a good couple of seconds before continuing."Jon from the Office Max, I was just calling to let you know your cards are ready." I couldn't believe they were done this quick. When I dropped off the form on Thursday, He told me it would be at least 7 days. This was quick, it had barley been 3 working business days. I'll have to make sure to recommend them in the future. I expressed my delight to Jon with a "no kidding? They're ready already?"

"yeah, I got em right here."

"Awesome man, I'll be by in a bit to pick em up."

"Alright, cool man we'll see you then. later." to which he promptly hung up the phone before I could say goodbye. Like I said, it was like I was talking to one of my friends. Off I went to pick up my cards and when I got there Jon was working behind the counter and instantly recognized me, to my surprise, and greeted me with a large smile. His eyes were noticeable less cached this time and seemed wide open and alert. He pulled out a large box from under the counter and showed me the end of it which had one of my cards stapled to the front of it. I made sure to double check for any mistakes even though at this point it was to late to fix it even if there was one. Everything looked good. Jon then asked me what the cards were for? So to appease his curiosity I simply handed him one. Then I instructed him to visit the website in a week or so to read about my most likely bland adventures west. Still it was good practice for when I hand out the cards as I travel west.

After my visit with Jon I went over to Track Auto and bought some things for my car to help with my sleeping situation. Got a thing to cover the windshield, to add a little more privacy as I slumber. I also got a pillow for some lumbar support. Yeah I know it was a rather uneventful night.

The Rag-Tag "Crew" of Misfits

We all went out for one last "good time" before I leave on Saturday. starting on your left, we have Lokstro (my cohort in arms) sporting his brother inspired mohawk, then we have Jen (she doesn't have a nickname yet, although Tack wanted to call her Dogface?) her on-and-off-again-boyfriend, standing next to her Sleprock, the giant monster truck dressed up like the General Lee owner, Tack the Cat, his wife next to him the always lovely Agata, and the handsome devil on the end that looks like he came from a Bee-Gees concert, is yours truly Franswiggidy Diggs! I'm sporting a beard, because I can, one benefit to being unemployed. I got my hair cut super short, I plan on shaving it all off next week before I go. Maybe I'll post a collage of my ever transforming head. The reason for the big smile on my face is Tack grabbed my hand and is making me grab his wife's butt!

When I arrived on the scene for the picture, everybody present was all ready drunk. So they were all rowdy and being weird. Some how they all agreed to go out, but they wanted to go to the Hooters for some odd reason. Now I am kind of broke from here on out, so I was just along for the ride.

I haven't been to a Hooters since I lived in Orlando when I worked at the house of the mouse. I kind of view Hooters like going to a strip club, its kind of awkward for me. I don't know, I'm not one to go and ogle girls much. But Tack and Slep wanted to, so be it. Off we went and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The girls that were working were pretty cute, but I have no idea how they can work there in those short, shorts! I mean, every guy coming through that door is staring at your ass, and chest! I would be way to self conscience to do it. I guess maybe you get used to it. I was surprised to find a table of just women eating in there, I thought all women despised Hooters? Maybe I'm to uptight?

Anyways the wings were good, I prefer Buffalo Wild Wings, and the atmosphere, well its what you would expect from a Hooters. We all had a good time, and nobody was mad that I was mooching food from them. It wasn't until it came time to pay the bill that the trouble started. You just can't go out to eat with Slep, he always tries to weasel his way out of paying. When the bill came he got up and went to the bathroom. Lokstro decided he would pay with his credit card and everyone could just pay him what they wanted. Well Slep and his lady's share was like$12 plus tip, no biggy. So what does Slep do, he puts $11 on the table and tries to walk away. He owed $12 pluss tip?All I can say is fuck'n Slep he always pulls this shit. This is what happens every time we go out with him. Lokstro got livid and unleashed on Slep. "What the Fuck dude? You're the Cheapest fucker I know! You didn't even give me enough money for what you ordered!" It was all actually quite funny, and even funnier when Slep tried passing the buck onto me saying " what Swigg's doesn't even have any money., but nobody's yelling at him." But the consensus was that I didn't have any money from the get go so I was excluded from all this dramma. But no fear Tack came to my defense saying "last time we all went out Swigg's was the first to offer to pay for everything when the same shit happened with you trying to worm your way out of paying!" It was all to funny and Slep got defensive, "why the fuck should I tip her when all she did was bring our food from over there" as he pointed to the counter a few feet away. He then went into a rant about how when hes at work dropping parts off to the mechanics he works with, that they don't tip him. To which we all agreed if he walked around in short shorts maybe they would.

I know Slep's a lost cause when it comes to tipping. To him Tipping's a city in China (rim shot please) and not somthing he does, well. That's OK we all still like him, sometimes. That aside he still owed an extra dollar, at least ponny up and pay that. Lokstro ended up leaving the girl $13 on a $40! He says your expected to leave them extra at Hooters, because of what they wear. I agree, but never herd that before. It was definitely a good time even with Sleps antics, and one I won't forget.

The Duke in All His Glorry

There he is, King Kong aint got nothing on him, He's A #1, don't mess with the bull or you'll get the horns! Not to leave him out, even though he's been exiled from the crew.

Learning Blogger From The Inside Out

Since I'm trying to put together something unique and special for my trip, I have been monkeying around with Blogger code, or CSS. Its something similar to HTML, which doesn't matter because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! Well its got a steep learning curve for those with no knowledge of code, and since I got nothing but time and patience on my hands, I am determined to master it. I have been poring over message boards and reading up on the mater so hopefully in a couple of days I'll have something to unveil to you all.

Good Bye Den

I could take it no more. It was killing me being all crammed in there. Since I've been typing so much lately, I've been spending a lot of hours crammed into those confined quarters. It was killing my neck and shoulders! Plus it always felt a little weird like I was some kind of pervert looking at dirty happenings on the internet, wile I was stuffed under my bed in the dark. Well no more! I did it, I got rid of the damn Den of Despair! Now I can sit upright with my head as far in the air as I like. No more slouching. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I did that? Oh yeah I was saving space. Space or comfort? You can't have both. Well that kept me busy for a few hours now what to do? maybe I'll hang some pictures or something on that blank back wall.

Blogging From Panera

I just dropped off my order for my business cards, and I have never felt more uncertain about anything in my life. The disorder and chaos among the employees is a site to be seen. I was stuck at the front register for 15 minutes wile they tried to figure out how to ring me up. All does not fair well for the fate of my business cards. I hope they are completed before I go.

Anyways I took the opportunity to come to the Panera Bread (they have free WiFi) that lies a few feet from the Office Max to try out blogging on the go. Yesterday I tried the same thing but as fate would have it, I wouldn't be so lucky. Stupid computers! I couldn't connect to the web even though I could connect to Paneras network. So I got my older bro on the case to solve this dilemma. WE went Wardriving and found a unguarded access point just down the street.

It would turn out that the windows firewall combined with norton anti-virus didn't like the idea of hooking up to an unsecured network, so it wouldn't allow us to access the internet even though we had a connection. So in classic Jon fashion, he just junked em, through em out and walla problem solved. Then he went on and grabbed some free software which I'm familiar with, Sygate person firewall, spybot, and AVG. Works for me. So now that I know I can get on at free or unprotected access points, I should be all set to go and kick some ass from the road!

Hard to believe Ill be leaving in 10 days. Its almost here, I can't help but feel unprepared and not quite ready.

Back to School

Went to go and get some business cards made up today, at the local Office Max, and couldn't help but notice the hustle and bustle of all the kids in a scramble to get there school supplies. Then I thought about how if things had been different I to would be apart of this mania to get the rite notepads, folders, and pens.

The guy working at the copy center couldn't have been older than 18 and his eyes were a glaze with the reminants of just having finished a doobie out back. He looked like Shaggy, with his long unkept hair and a few wiskers growing in on his face barley filling out a mustache and gotee. When he aproached me he talked as if it took all his concentration to know how.
"uhhhhhhh what can I do for ya?"

I took my usual phony customer stance and tone of voice, "well ya see Im interested in some business cards and I was wondering if you could help?"

He then reached down under the counter that seperated us and pulled out a large black binder. In it were an asortmant of card stock and priceings. I wasn't interested in anything fancy just the simplest they could offer for the cheapest price. Now the really cheap ones are exactly that, cheap. But feeling the hustle behind me and a crowd gathering around my young impared friends workspace, I hardly felt like standing there and finagleing with how to design my card. I simple asked the length of time from, if I placed my order, it would take. He responded with
"uhhhhhh maybe 10 days.....tops." and if sooner? "seven maybe at best?"

I then decided to venture home to their website so I could create my very own that way when I came back, there wouldnt be any chance my friend with the limited brain capacity could screw it up and that I would hold up the line like some customer that doesn't know what they want.

What do you all think?

Just Let Her Go

I thought focusing in on my trip would distract me. Its so tough not talking to her. Every day I wake up she is the first person I think of, and everyday before I go to sleep I think of her. I don't know if I'm doing the rite thing by cutting her out of my life. I go back and forth on the subject. One day I think its all for the best and the next I feel like I am being very immature about the whole thing. I have way to much time to think now that I'm unemployed. Then it seems like I'm the one crawling back to her, but from what? I didn't do anything wrong. It takes every ounce of my selfcontroll to keep from calling her. I don't even know if she misses me the way I miss her? It's so tough. In my head I believe I'm doing this for both of our best interest. She's not done with Zaid. She needs to let him go first before she can move forward with her life. Me well, I can't just be a friend to her, I'm not strong enough to keep my feelings for her at bay. Besides it would drive me nuts to no end knowing she was seeing other men. Its almost an attack on my manhood, that I'm not good enough for her, that she thinks she can do better then me. I know that's not it. I am still so very confused on the whole situation. Its almost been a month, and I still can't keep her out of my mind. My friends tell me I'm doing the rite thing by letting her go, that if its meant to be she'll come back to me. Yeah, that old tired line. Then there's been a couple of girls in the past week that wanted to go out with me, and I turned them down. I can't be with anyone else let alone think about other girls rite now because my mind is still clouded by the most magnificent girl ever. I am so wrapped up in her, its hard to let anyone else in when your this pathetic. What-to-do-what-to-do? I think Before I leave, I need to know for sure, one last chat.........I......no......but.....but....I already know the answer. My brain tells me one thing but my heart says another. I need to, but I don't want to. I have one last kind act for her, maybe its more for me, but I need her to know................

Animus Magnae Via

I'm working on setting up my new blog for my trip, but I don't know If I should leave it linked to this blog through my profile or if I should make it completely separate? I think I'll leave them together so there's no hassle with trying to access them but I am a bit uncomfortable with letting everyone into my world so I may scrap my profile completely. I wish there was a way to keep them together but so you could only view one? either way if stuff starts changing around here its due to the construction of the new blog. Chose Latin for title which means very loosely translated and probably not right to The soul/ spirit of the great road/way. I think Ill go with the soul of the great road. Now to create some business cards to pass out and give me some more, what I believe confidence when approaching people to talk to. Hay I'm a "Gonzo Journalist" (thanks Erik) bla bla bla heres my card, check out my blog. I don't know sounds good to me and might make me seem more credible, then again, I have no credentials to even call myself a journalist, although I did stay at a holiday inn express last night!

The DUKE

Hes A#1. The Duke (not Duke, its The Duke) aka Chris is a former member of the crew. The crew kinda dissolved after a series of bickering broke out over woman a few years back. It consisted of myself Swiggs, The Duke, Lokstro, Tack The Cack, and Sleprock. Yeah we all had nicknames for eachother, all with very interesting stories of how they came to be. The Duke acquired his name from me. It all stems from the fact that he and I hated each other when we first met. He was all gangsta gangsta, and I was all who the hell does this guy think he is? He used to come around slep's dad's house acting like king shit, and I was all "who does this guy think he is throwing his weight (he's a large fellow) around? he certainly isn't a king." Then one night after downing a few beers, and having watched the duke eat something, he was always eating something, It came to me. I was like this guys the Earl of Sandwich. So we all took turns calling him the earl, but the title didn't fit. So I kept pondering on the subject of what to call him, when I was like well hes not a king and he's no Earl, how about a Duke? Well Duke stuck, but it couldn't just be Duke it had to be a title so "The Duke" was born. He hated this name at first and kept fighting it. He even went as far to offer up his own alternatives, like Chris, but none would suffice. This reinforced his hatred for me and resulted in few punches to my arm, but over time he grew fond of his new name. He even went as far as getting it Tattooed on his arm in old English. His pathological lying would even give his name a double meaning, as in "are you Dukeing me? Don't Duke me on this!"

The Duke recently had another falling out with Slep aka James (from the previous post) over some money issues stemming from where they both used to live out in Carrie. That coupled with a series of DUI's (Driving Under the Influence) and tickets for driving on a suspended license. Dukes not very smart, or he's depressed or he just doesn't care, or he's all three, its hard to tell. You can never get a strait story out of the guy.

Today I had to tote The Dukes ass, over to some courthouse on the south side of Chicago so he could sign up for his community service. I don't know why we had to go to the south side, when he got one of DUI's in up in the north side of Cook County in Barington? He was vague on the details. Anyways he had to sign up for 280 Hours! 280 hours? thats a lot of community service, it will take him months to finish that up. He told me that his DUI cases are still outstanding, He got one wile he wasn't convicted of the other, so there both been continued? I don't know with this guy, I'm just surprised hes not in Jail as we speak. He claims he will get out of both of them, by circumstance, or some shit. His thinking so messed up, he says he's innocent even though he admits to drinking in both instances.

After I took him there, the Duke had promised to buy me dinner for my troubles. I should have made him take me out first, because he set me up. He does this all the time. He said "you know what man, all I got is 10 bucks on me." I should have bitch slapped him, "I'll buy you some McDonald's." All I did was laugh because it was in classic Duke fashion the he said it. After going through a couple tolls on the way home, he was left $7.40. He decided he wanted some Long Johns Silver, instead of the McY D's ? I don't know either, because there's only one Long Jonh's in th entire Chicago-land area, and we live near it, but I never eat there, but The Duke said he had a taste for some hush puppies? Who the hell, in the north, all of the sudden gets a taste for hush puppies? The Duke failed to realize that he wouldn't be able to buy two meals with his meager money, or did he full well understand this, so he made me split one with him. We got some fried fish, shrimp, and or course hush puppies. It all tasted like it was thrown in the same fryer and then someone spit on them. But the girls that worked there were cute.0

A Year Of Blogging

WOW! Can you all believe it? I made it a year! I never thought I would have kept this up for a year. Thought it would be one of those things I would loose interest in after a wile and give up on. So I take you back to my wackier days when my brother Jon says "I was funny and not so serious" http://abscessmind.blogspot.com/2004/08/my-first-blog.html#comments Sorry Jon never thought I would fall in love and turn this thing into my bitch fest for my woman woes. Still its interesting to go back through the archives and see the shit I wrote. In the immortal words of Fat Boy Slim, "you've come a long way baby." I cant help but wonder what the select few of you thought was my best post? Thanks a to everyone that reads this thing and thank who ever came up with the whole blogg-o-sphere thing. I think my favorite piece I wrote was.......I was just reading through my archives and man I think I wrote some great shit! Its to hard for me to pick just one. I like this one http://abscessmind.blogspot.com/2004/11/computer-nerds.html#comments and this
http://abscessmind.blogspot.com/2004/09/greatest-zombie-movie-ever.html#comments
and this http://abscessmind.blogspot.com/2004/09/alex-and-me-and-hapenings-of-city.html#comments and of cores who can forget this one
http://abscessmind.blogspot.com/2005/01/shot-in-ass.html#comments?

Maybe in the next year Ill finally figure out how to do that insert the link thingy so I don't have these long ass link bars. Thanks to all of you that read this and I'm sure as long as I'm alive the wacky story's that happen to me won't stop. Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing?

Singing Deer

In oder for this story to make more sense I have to give a brief rundown of the main character James, who I think I might have mentioned before. Now I don't know how someone who grew up in a rich suburb of Chicago in a middle class home and some how against all odds turned out to be a some sort of southern redneck wannabe? Not that there's anything wrong with that. So I assembled a list of things that I think make him, for lack of a better term, white-trashy. Jeff Foxworhty could have a field day with him.

1. He owns 3 cars 2 of which are in need of serious repair. A 1981 elcamino that doesn't run. Its half truck, half car, and all power! A 1984 Fire Bird, barley runs and needs some new quarter panels and tires. A a big honkin Ford F1 50 with matching cap and bed liner.
2. He owns 2 ATV's and a mini Chopper. The mini chopper, well I have no idea why he bought it, its a small looking motorcycle powered by a lawnmower engine.
3. He owns a Golf Cart? Hes in the process of "pimping it out" by spray painting it neon green? To each there own.
4. His obsession with the rebel flag.
5. He collects licenses plates
6. His taste in music, heavy metal-country
7. his very blue collar job, he was a mechanic, but lost his job (union didn't help him there) after an unfortunate accident where both his wrist were broken.
8. He thinks Oldstyle is a good beer.
9. The absence of furniture in his living room in order to make room for his pool table.
10. His wardrobe consist of pot smoking shirts, beer memorabilia and crushed velvet shirts.
11. He's a White Sox fan.
12. The icing on the cake is, He payed $100 for a fake deer head that sings animatronically to country songs!

I went over to James modest place he and his girlfriend are renting to play a game of pool. No sense in letting that pool table in his living room go to waste. I arrived around 9:PM to find him and his girlfriend, already on the rocks, with strange looks on their faces. The first thing that came to mind was they had done the nasty before my arrival, so I couldn't help but ask "Did you two just get through doing it? James did you (she admitted to this in the past) plug her poop shoot?" Now I find the second remark to be very funny and couldn't help but laugh aloud. Unfortunately Jen, James girlfriend, didn't find any of it funny, and responded with a "NO! He hasn't touched me in two weeks" and promptly left the room. I was like "yeeesh" as I pulled on the collar of my shirt, as if to let out imaginary steam. So my curiosity was sparked and I had to know what was going on in their relationship. James didn't say anything to the matter instead he walked over to his pool table and began racking the balls.

James looked focused as he walked around the table pulling all the balls from there respective pockets where they had come to rest from a previous game. He looked up only to offer me a drink "you want a Coorslight? I just picked up a case."

"James" I responded " you know I don't drink" he then began to laugh and replied with "I never know maybe you decided to start again?" I'm glad he finds that amusing. I then asked "whats the special occasion for the fancy brew?" Which I got a good chuckle from. I then asked if he had any Coke to which he responded to by walking over into the kitchen and opening the fridge. It was mostly empty besides a his fresh case of Coorslight, accompanied by a wide array of condiments and for some odd reason eight different kinds of BBQ sauce. He rooted around a bit moving beers from one side of the fridge to the other until coming across a lone can of coke in the back.

He walked backed with it into the living room handing it to me. By this time I had chance and couldn't help but to notice the giant animatronic deer head hanging on the wall behind him. So I asked him "James what the FUCK is that thing?" He was obviously over delighted that I asked about his new addition to his house. "oh that, its Buck! You'll never believe what it does, it sings 5 country songs, you can plug a CD player into it and it will sing along to your own CD's, and" he then bent down and began rooting through a pile of various objects on the floor coming up with a microphone, "you can sing like karaoke and he'll move his mouth to your words!" He was obviously very proud of his new deer head, that wasn't just a deer head, it sang. I just stood there kind of stunned, and confused like a deer caught in headlights. I mean who in there rite mind (wrong question to ask when dealing with James) would waste good money on a novelty deer head that sings five songs? So I couldn't help but inquire about its price. "James how much did you spend on this thing?"

"Dude, you'll never guess I got it on sale down from $15o! I only paid a $100 for it!" Now James is the cheapest man I know next to me. So he gets all excited when he saves a buck (no pun intended) here and there, but on this thing? He had already begun to reach his arms up to turn the thing on in which it started saying its name and making loud herky jerky motions. I just stood there stupified by this thing, as James stood there in amazement as he watched it do its thing.

After witnessing the deers singing range I told James he was a character and I would have to write about him in my book someday. If you thought something was different about how I approached writing this, I was trying for something bookish? Ill get to whats going on his relationship in the next post, to wet your wistle a bit, it ends like an episode of cops.

The Hair Cut That Never Happened

I Got a call today from a girl I formerly worked with at the Star, to go over to another girls place so she could cut my hair. This girl is in school at Pivot Point, a beauty school. Now I have a Mop on my head right now. Not really a mop, its more like a fro. It's unmanageable to say the least. Every one tells me I look like a mad scientist. Well that was kind of the look I was going for, all I need now is a lab coat and a chemistry set.

So I got this poof thing happening on my head, its all a disguise to cover up my receding hair line. I got a widows peak that's turning into pikes peek! Needless to say I am overly conscience of my hair, and it sucks because I don't know what the hell to do with it except fro it out. So I was talking with the Pivot Point girl about this mess on my head, and I told her I was thinking about just shaving it all off. I have never shaved my head before, so I have no idea how it looks, but since I was planning on living out of my car for the next month, it seems like the logical way to go. wile in the process of talking to her about it she said she needed some practice cutting mens hair. Well since I figured I would just shave it all off, I offered up my luscious locks. If she screwed up I would just cut it all off like I had planned in the first place.

The hairdresser to be said she would come over to my place, but as fate would have it, it got changed to this girls place whos hair she would be doing. I arrived at this girls apartment around 7:30 PM. I got there an hour late, but since she was cutting some other girls hair I figured there was no need to rush over, and I was rite. She was in the middle of coloring one girls hair and cutting anothers. No big deal so I took a seat and started up some idle chit-chat. Well this hair cut session would take far longer then expected. I sat there for two hours wile waiting for her to get to my head, which was a favor to her. When she turns to me and says "Oh, its kind of late now, and I forgot my clippers at home." WHAT THE FUCK? I just sat here for two fuck'n hours to do you a favor and your going to tell me its to late and you forgot your fuck'n clippers? Then why the hell did you invite me over to get my haircut only to wait to the last minute to tell me you weren't going to cut it? GRRRRRRR, I was really steamed by this. I would have been fine maybe if she said something an hour into it. But to make me sit there and tell me at the last minute? So of course in classic Francis fashion I sucked it up and said "oh thats Ok, maybe another time, I understand......" I then got up and walked out the door.

My New Backpack

Now that I have a fancy new laptop I was in need of a way to tote it around. Now I was willing to go balls out and get a fancy bag, but through my research (turns out the internet is useful for something other then porn) I found the high end bags offered little more then the low end bags. A few more pockets here, and some more zippers there, but nothing as far as protection, that is unless you get one of those hard shelled bug looking ones. If I saw myself carrying one of those I would punch myself, in the gut, wouldn't want to damage my fist on the backpack. Now the backpack itself had a lot of good reviews on it, and it was remarkably cheap, picked it up for $34. Not bad. Always look for those evalue coupons before buying anything off the internet. Its hard to tell from the picture but its a pretty good size backpack, sporting plenty of pockets for all the crap I'll need on my trip, Hell its even water resistant (what ever the fuck that means?) and two of the pockets are water proof? I guess I'll be putting my camera in one of those. Its also got plenty of room for all my peripherals and what not. The color is different story, seems to be why the backpack was discounted in the first place http://www.ebags.com/. Its just not a color I like but what do I care about style any who. I'm the guy that thinks its hip to buy odd shirts from the thrift store for 80 cents. Still I would have preferred something more non dog poo looking. I'll make do, it suites my needs.

So Ends My Dynasty

My last day at the Lone Star. In a way its a relief but at the same time its a flood of overwhelming anxiety. I just gave up everything I knew.

The night began like any other for me. I went into work as if it were any other day, which means I really didn't want to be there. Something about the Star, I don't know if its the musty smelling floorboards, or the rotten smell coming from the bowels of the bar floor drains, but I always get a headache when I'm there. Maybe its psychosomatic, because I always feel like shit wile I'm there and when I leave, I miracuously feel better. I walked through door to be greeted by a few of the host, who's names are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things; that could be said for everybody I worked with, because I have no intention of ever seeing any of them again. I was then bombarded by the "Oh Franny (I hate being called Franny, I even point that out to people, but for some odd reason girls like to completely ignore this fact and continue to call me Franny!) today's you last day? Oh we're going to miss you so much." Now why do these people feel the need to tell me they are going to miss even though we both full well know we won't miss each other? I mean if you were going to miss you then we would have to have some kind of friendship in the first place, not that co-worker "hay whats up thing" because we work together so I have to be friendly to you. The barrage of "is this your last day?" questions would continue from everyone I would talk to for the rest of the night.

I take it all in stride and give a bunch of fake smiles and phony "Oh I'm going to miss you to's!" All the wile I stand behind the bar with a grimace on my face. I really didn't want to be there today, which seems to be mental call for every Joe Smoe to come out of the woodwork and eat at the bar. We got a little busy and when I work with Manny, one of the new bartenders, you would swear the restaurant was packed. This guy runs around like a chicken with his head cut off. He's all over the place, and I think it has something to do with all the pot he smokes before work. He does a good job, its just he has a tendency to spazz out and when he spazz's it starts to make me nervous, and when I get nervous I get a little edgy or pissy. Plus it really annoys me when my fellow bartenders walk away from the bar for extended periods of time. I always make fun of the Mandroid, by saying "for Gods sake Manny make yourself useful man" as he walks past me with an extended arm full of plates. Truth be told, I probably do less work then him, but I'm/was the damn bar captain. Then Again I can make six tickets of varying complex libations in a relatively timely fashion. Like to see him do that.

For some odd reason about the time we started to get busy the managers decided to call me in the back for what is known as "round up" where they bable on about what items to try and push on people for the night. Well I surprised to find instead of the usual "sell this drink" I was greeted by a warm crowd of my co-workers (none of whom I like) gathered around a cake that had the words "Good Luck Franny" written in the center of it.

"oh Wow!" I said as everyone was circling around me. "You all shouldn't have" and I really meant that.

They then began to start clapping and saying congratulations and well all miss you. Which is interesting because most of the employees there were new ones and hadn't known me longer then a month or so. So if you can't tell by my writing style that I was a bit annoyed by all this hoo-ha. I guess I'm an ass, and should really appreciate the nice effort a few of them went through to get me a cake and card. I mean they could have gotten me nothing and I think I would have been fine with that but then who knows I would probably be bitching about the fact that no one got me anything.
I guess there's no making me happy right now.

So that was nice of everyone but like I said it just seemed so artificial, and I half believe that most of those present don't like me anyways. The rest of the night would just go. everyone who said they would show up for my last shift bailed out on me. The only one to show was this guy Paul who I think has a thing for me, or is just weird. It doesn't really matter because he's filthy rich and tips like he is. A $25 tip on a $30 bill! He's a good guy and he kept me company with his talk of his money, his boat, and his forced sounding not entirely true woman woes. That's about all he ever talks to me about. I think I've herd his same stories countless times, but like a good bartender I always act like I'm hearing them for the first time. Then after a bit, my older bro showed up out of the blue. He said he came in for my last shift. Its funny because I've been working at the Star for 6 fuck'n years and my older bro has been in more times in the last two months then the entire time I've worked there. Whats up with that?

The day was just like any other and it went like any other and it ended just like it always had, like any other, except this was the last one. The last one.......even as I write that, its hard for me to believe its finely over. I mean I wake up tomorrow and I have no job, no place to be, nothing to really do. Its like I retired.

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy..........I want to say 59th? Birthday! She's not 60 yet, I know that, and shes 6 months older then Frank, so I think he's 58? Not sure. well its the thought that counts and Jon remembered, for some odd reason. We gave here a call "down in Florida, where we be smoke'n ten blunts a day!" That quotes is obscure nobody will get it. My moms been gone for the past 3 weeks down in the sunshine state helping my sis with the baby Camden. Its been a nice break from her, and I'm sure she would say its been nice being away from us men. But then if you were to ask Jon he would say that mom never left, because I just bitch as much as she did. My overall bitchyness, has been up, since I lost Becky. I am much more irritable and upset more easily. Just my misdirected frustrations.

Pops McGee And The Brothers Three

On the eve of my Lil bros (far left) departure to CU for his masters in aerospace engineering (hes got the mug of an astronaut), we all went out for one last hurrah. My Older bro (left), of Future Ghost Me fortitude, Drunklestilkskin (middle) himself and Oldest bro (right) can't help but flick off the camera.

It was an odd way to bid farewell to my little bro. I don't drink, and I (not pictured) am not particularly fond of Drunklestinkskin. Still its nice to have all of us brothers together in one place. All though we're all sort of odd in our own respect, so its hard to get a conversation going. Its even tougher when your father is three sheets to the wind and not making much sense. I feel sorry for the old man, because it seems the only way he can have any sort of conversation with his sons is when he's drunk. Though the same can be said for my oldest bro who gets just as odd and outlandish when he drinks as my father and is equally as reluctant to talk to you when hes not.

As far as the night went it was rather bland. The local establishment, Time Out, was barely as busy as it should be for a Thursday. Thursday is Karaoke night, and usually draws quite the crowd. Unfortunately the crowd it drew tonight, was the one that couldn't hold a note if their life depended on it. Now it takes balls to get up in front of a crowd of people and sing, it also doesn't hurt to have a few drinks of liquid courage first, which can make bad singing even worse. I couldn't do it, if thats what your wondering, but I am not a singer,nor do I like to pretend I am when Im at a bar. There was one girl in particular that I think permanently damaged my inner ear with her piercing note. (Pops looks like a monkey)

My older bro said the loud and terrible Karaoke was giving him a headache, that and he thought the Jack and Coke he was drinking tasted watered down. So he made an early retreat back to the house. He didn't miss much after he left. Just more bad singing and my oldest bro getting drunker. I said hello to a few people I saw, but I more or less found myself doing what I used to do when I frequented the bar. Just sitting at the bar thinking about my life and staring at others. I prefer to be in a quiet setting where I can talk with those I'm with as opposed to having to scream over terrible music.

I still made the most of the situation and had a good time persae. I will miss my lil bro, I had just gotten used to him being back. It was just like old times. He still remembers all our old sayings and little expressions that go right over everyone else's heads. "Call-to-Jon!" So its sad to bid him farewell. I guess its me still trying to hang on to being a kid. I am very proud of my lil bro and he's turned into a great, dare I say "Man." He's got a great future ahead of him. I wish him the best of luck, but I know him, he won't need my wishes, because he's got the skills!

Cheers!

Heres to me starting a new life, opportunity knocks and adventure awaits!

Opportunity Knocking

It has been quite the interesting week, and a time for reflection on my life. The loss of the girl, has caused me much confusion. How could something that felt so right, not be? The feeling of loss extends beyond her. My own life is lost once again. I don't know where I am or what I should be doing. All I know is I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent, and find myself. Very scary stuff! I mentioned in a post before how I thought I would travel across the country and write a book. Well this is idea is starting to look less and less like a pipe dream of mine and more like a reality. As of now the plans are in the works to start my USA-trek. Its all starting to fall together. I have the money, no bills to worry about, no girlfriend, and well basically no good reason not to. I got nothing going on in my life, and everyone I talk to about it seems to think its a good idea, except for a select few. The only thing I want to do is buy a used van to sleep in for the long trip. I plan on sleeping in truck-stops and rest areas to avoid wasting money on hotels. My Ford Escort is a little tiny and very uncomfortable to sleep in. But my buddy Doug made a good point to me today, "what would you rather do? Travel the country in a car you know would make the trip? Or travel in a van you would being worrying about breaking down, but you could sleep in while you wait for the tow-truck?" I guess the one I know would make the trip. Sometimes you got to make do with what you got, even if it means sacrificing comfort.

I've been concocting this dream since I read the book Into The Wild http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft9608/reviews/sisk.html
Some how I identified with the character, although we come from very different lifestyles. I found the idea of throwing all you know out, and all you have away, and just going out and finding what awaits you sort of romantic. Well I won't being doing that, but an adventure definitely awaits me.

To show I'm serious about all of this, I purchased a Dell Inspirion 6000 laptop with wireless connectivity. I plan on Blogging from the road, which I plan on creating a new blogg specifically for. I am excited but at the same time scared shitless. I don't know where the hell I'm going except west. I have a few ideas, but mainly its up in the air. If there ever was a time for such an adventure now is it. Fuck'n A

I Can't Do This Anymore

As long as the bad news is rolling in lets just toss some more on top the proverbial pile of shit that is my life. Long story short, because I'm tired, I had the talk thats been building inside me with Becky. The one I didn't want to have. The one where I tell Becky how much I love her and how I can't take it anymore. She told me her heart was black and she wasn't capable of loving me back. I know her heart isn't black, but I do know she's guarding herself against getting her heart broke again. Instead she broke mine. I told her I couldn't do this anymore and that I love her, and its driving me crazy. How when I'm around her all I want to do is give her hugs and kisses! It sucked so bad, its got me tore up something bad. The worst part is I'm not used to dealing with my emotions head on. All I want to do is get drunk and I can't. I found myself stuck repeating "the one thing I want to do most, I can't!" I am all over the place. I am so tired its been a long day of emotional shit! I just can't keep up the shurade any longer. I can't mask my emotions any longer. Thats what alcoholics do they hide their real emotions. I need to keep moving forward. I love her so much, but I can't keep dealing with the rejection I feel. I am bound to slip at this pace and just give in to the urge. So I had to. Its time to let go and face the truth, she will never love me, or allow herself to. I can't handle that. I wish I could, but I can't. So I had to, I wish I didn't but I had to. I told her I needed some time away, I don't know how much or for how long. I just need to move on now. I don't want to, it hurts so bad. I just can't keep getting my heart crushed.

The one thing I want to do I can't!

The girl I want to be with, I can't!

The school I want to go to, I can't!

Fucken A!

Shit Shit SHIT!

well I just got the bad news, I didn't get into NIU. Acording to the admissions people I was placed on a waiting list for transfer students. Turns out they over admited some 200 students and don't have the classes or resources available for all of them. Well I guess it wasn't meant to be. I was so looking forward to this, but after all it was one of my last minute decissions to go there. I never really thought about it till Becky encouraged me. Still I guess I'm ok with it. I'm just very dissapointed. Well I can always go in the winter if I want to re-apply.

Now I already told work that I got in, and was leaveing. Guess I jumped the gun on that one. I've come to far to go back now, time to stick with my story and go ahead as planned and quit. to late now the wheels are in motion and I already wrote up a resignation letter.

Free At Last, Lord I'm Free At Last

I checked the status of my application to NIU today and guess what? The damn thing is still on hold. I mean WTF? They said I would know on the 1st and no dice. I'll give it till tomorrow and then I'll call the admissions office to get to the bottom of this.

Well I wanted to know for sure if I was in before I quit Lone Star, but fuck it. I was standing behind the bar and made up my mind, even if I don't get into school I need to quit this job. Go off and find another. Its time, I have done all I can do with this place. I never thought I would ever be able to do it, but here I am free. Well not completely, I really just put in my two weeks notice. I wanted to be done on the 12th but my manager said if I wanted to use them as a reference I would have to finish out two weeks. So I guess maybe the 14th will be my last day there. Either way, I am free and damn does it feel good. The odd thing was it wasn't hard to quit at all, it was easy and anxiety free. I was calm and not worried about it at all. I thought I would be. I told my GM and she was cool with it, I half thought she would be mad, but she said she was happy that I would be moving on to do better things. Then we laughed about my 6 year dynasty was coming to an end. God 6 years, I cant believe I've been there for that long. Man, where has the time gone? I've survived 7 GM's, 40 regular managers, and probably over a thousand co-workers! I am the last of the original 20 I started with back in 1999. I win! Or do I loose because I was the last to work there? Wow! I never thought I would embrace change, but man it feels so fuck'n good to finally quit! Even if things don't work out I think I'll just take a long vacation and finish writing my book. Yeah, that's right, I'm writing a book. Maybe I'll add struggling writer to my repertoire.