Look For Me On The Road

Good bye for now. Keep your eyes on the road and those wet hands on the wheel. I am off. Thanks all who read this, but wish me luck/or prey for me, which ever is your forte'. I will be back again someday to keep dishing up that wacky bobacky ramblings of my mind. until then try on, a different take of my life as I travel the open road.

Animus Magnae Via
The soul of the Great Road

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Ill be updating as the free wifi lets me so check back every couple of days!

Now I Remember Why

I was reading back through most of my post from the past year. When I came across this gem. It put everything back into perspective for me. Its odd how my thinking is cyclable. It makes me wonder if I'm manic depressive? Anyways I was just as clueless back then as I am today. Except the reason was "no regrets." No regrets, almost hard for me to live my life by that line of thought. But, my mind is in line with that line of thought. The only regret I have is that I never grabbed up Becky and made out with her under the stars! I have been growing up beyond my expectations, and growing up is a bitch. Dealing with my inner demons, concuring addictions, and learning about relationships, and Love. I am confident that I can go through with this, and that I will gain as much as there is to gain, and grow as much I as I can. I still have a long way to go, to quote someone who means the world to me "To be where I want to be in my life!" I know when I get there, when ever or where ever that is, (without hesitation) I want to have that person by my side or at least still in my heart. Onward then I shall go!

Depression Sweeps Francis Land

On the eve of what is to be a journey that could perhaps change my life forever, I am having cold feet. I don't know what is wrong with me today, I can't figure it out? There is a void in my life, a giant hole that I have tried to fill with drugs, booze, and LOVE. For a second there, it was gone, everything was quiet. But was it gone? Or did I just mask this void in me with band aids? Who am I? What am I looking for? Where should I look for it? Am I not who I think I am? Is this trip a just another one of my temporary life fix's? Why am I doing this? Who am I doing it for? Me?

Lost in a downward spiral of self pity. I keep fighting to stay on top. Or am I just telling myself that? Am I really a fighter?

The seed for these demonstrative ideas was planted when I learned of the potential for volunteering for the Red Cross and possibly doing some good for people who need it. I think my life is this big mess when there are people out there that just lost everything, everything they had! Here I sit bitching about my seemingly minuscule problems. I now feel guilty about even going on this trip with the crisis in the south. Should I stay or should I go now?

I feel the need to help others, I have a compassionate side, I also feel an immense need to help MYSELF! They might be minuscule problems, but they're mine, I need to get out of here! I am bursting at the seems. I want to set out in search of what it is I want. What is it that I want? Something to fill that void. How will I know if I found it? What if I travel across the country in search of it and I never do? Should I have not gone in the first place? I think I need to stay the course I set out for ME. Death and destruction would add some insight into my life but I think the tranquility of the northwest would to. Others will help for there own noble causes but theirs aren't mine. My noble cause lies in saving myself from my own self prescribed destruction. It is time..........

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Finally did it. Been wanting to do this my whole life. No silly I didn't get laid (rim shot please) I shaved my head. Well truth be told my older bro shaved my head and you judging from the grin on his face, I don't know why he was so happy to shave my head. Which probably wasn't a good idea in hind site. I think I look like a monkey, don't worry I don't smell like one, no need to toss me in the zoo yet. I think the beard needs to go, its off setting the little hair I do have on my head, and makes my jaw look massive. I happen to have a very large noggin, and my hair is receding faster then the flood waters in New Orleans (to early?). Speaking of which, I couldn't have picked a worse time to drive across country, with the price of gas about to skyrocket. But as I was told it was now or potentially never. So might as well go balls to the wall, bite the bullet on the money and just start cruising. Fuck it, you don't get a chance like this except maybe when your in your 70's. T-minus two days and counting