2 Down, 15 More Weeks to Go

Now I'm not quite sure what the hell I was thinking when I picked my major? This is what happens when you pick a one out of a hat! I new I should have stuck to the sciences. Oh its not that bad my classes are actually pretty interesting, all though my communications classes border on almost being philosophy. Well actually the argument could be made that Communication is a form of Philosophy, actually the theories around Rhetoric were developed by Aristotle himself. Eh, someones been paying attention in class!

My first week at school was really intimidating. All the professors handing out there syllabi's and talking about the mountains of assignments I'll be climbing my way through not to mention the dreaded DUN DUN DUN research paper. I think I had a panic attack in everyone of my classes. I just feel this immense pressure on myself to succeed and I want to do this college thing the right way and get strait A's and graduate with honors. I really want to shine like my little brother did when he was at school and make my parents proud by making the Deans list or some shit like that. So when these challenges are placed in front of me, I feel overwhelmed and I fear that I wont be able to make my goal. I know no one will think I'm a complete failure if I get by with C's but I won't be satisfied with mediocrity! I know I am capable, but at the same time I don't think I have the smarts to get by. I get so damn frustrated when it doesn't come to me right away. My Spanish class has me pinned down in this department. I am having trouble conjugating verbs and remembering when to change the A's and O's. Hell, I'm having trouble memorizing the words. It's only the second week and I feel lost and behind, and once your behind, well your a goner in a foreign language.

At least living in my apartment is going well for the time being. Maybe its still the honeymoon period with my roommate, but we both get along surprisingly well. He finds my ranting to be funny, to bad nobody else does, and I find his cleanliness to be satisfactory.

I also am super excited because I joined a club this week, the PRSSA . I always wanted to go into PR and now I have my chance to see if its something I like. Ok the real reason I joined was it fills my Coms 207 requirement, and I figured it would be a good way to meet some chicks. Plus as they say "it looks great on your resume!" I also figured if I was going to do this college thing right, and get out of my apartment, I should get involved with some extracurricular activities!

I guess I shouldn't rush things and worry like I do, this lifestyle change will take a little bit of adjustment, and everything will be alright I'm sure I'll do just fine.

I Won Something!

I can't believe it, but I actually won a sweepstakes contest of sorts! Well it wasn't really a sweepstakes but it was a contest of sorts. Anyways I won some......free stuff, from Old Grandma Hardcore's Grandma's boy Grandma Give Away Thing! I would like to thank Brinstar for pointing this site out and making my win possible. Sure the prizes aren't great; a movie poster, T-shirt, and finger brace, but its still cool to win something. Plus I think Tim over at OGH called me personally (he left a strange half message on the answering machine) which is kind neet seeing how Grandma and him are soon to be famous all over mTV's G-hole!

Its Been Fun

For two weeks there it felt just like old times. My lil bro came in from Colorado for the holidays, and we immediately fell into our old roles, well he fell into his reluctantly. I would be all wacky and stupid, playing out my deranged fantasy's with my quirky sense of humor. My brother would then respond with his brand of appreciation for my antics by giving me a thorough thrashing or a powerful blow to the arm. For some odd reason the pain always keeps me coming back with an encore presentation thereby earning me yet another bop to the head or thwap to the back. As odd as our behavior together sounds I will miss our antics, and its time for me to let go of my childish ways earning myself a seat at the grownup table.

Well I guess this is it, time for the next step. Today I went to DeKalb to finalize the apartment and pick up my keys. What a great place we got, and I look forward to living in it for the next year. The maintenance men informed that the carpet is brand new (installed yesterday) and the walls had all been repainted last week. It will be odd leaving the parents house, seeing how I am so used to chaos and not having much privacy that it will be strange to actually be able to take a shower and not worry about someone (Drunktard) banging on the door. It will also be nice not having a certain someone nagging at me to do stuff her husband should be doing for her. Transversely or so they tell me, they all look forward to life without me!

Fear

Envelopes me as the time for my departure encroaches. I don't know how being truly excited about something can turn into a double edged sword. I am really looking forward to this change yet at the same time I am terrified with how it might go. Its like my trek across country was a cake walk compared to this. At least then I knew I could come home, but soon I will be thrust out into the world on my own not welcome to return. I view this as my final sendoff much like a bird falling from the nest learning to fly and I know its time, but nothing really prepares you for this. I guess I'm mostly scared I'll fail. That I wont be able to hack it and everything will come apart and my wings wont work sending me smashing into the ground. I know it all sounds so trivial, but my anxiety's about life have been in overdrive lately. My mind, I guess in an effort to cope with my current level of stress, has been all over the place making it very difficult to focus on tasks at hand. I've been having trouble sleeping (even on my new mattress) and have been suffering from one headache after another. Time to stop fighting the inevitable and jump headlong into the suck!