Punk Rock Funeral

Now I have only been to a few funerals, enough to count on one hand, and all were very traditional.
Sam's funeral would be a one of kind experience.

I went to the funeral with my other two friends, James and Doug. Doug argued with me for 20 minutes about riding together with him. I told him I was going to be there all day and didn't think he would want to stay. Eh it turns out Doug is a better friend then we all thought. Still the ride in would turn into a smoke out. For some odd reason James and Doug thought it would be a good idea to smoke a joint in honor of Sam. For some odd reason they thought it would be a good idea to get high before a funeral? After several attemps to get me to partake of the smoke session they finally gave up. For another odd reason my friends aren't very supportive of my new found sobriety.

We arrived at the funeral home to find Alok standing out front. He seemed his normal self. We were all very hesitant to approach Alok. The other two high and me....well still not knowing how to act. After a few words Alok said "you guys want to go pay some respects?"

We entered very awkwardly, and solemnly. We followed Alok up to the his brothers casket. There awaiting us was Alok's mother and Sam's girlfriend, Barb. Aloks mother was in hysterics, wailing and sobbing. James immediately stepped forward to give her a hug. Doug followed Alok towards the casket, and me, not knowing where to go or stand, made a B-line to the pictures of Sam.

Sam was laid out in exactly the way he had requested. No suit, he was wearing his favorite hat, Ramones T-shirt, jeans, and combat boots. He was done up very well, he looked good......well good for what people look like after they die.

The whole funeral was a very surreal experience. It was almost something out of a movie. In the background Punk Rock music was playing, all of Sams favorites from the Ramones to Rancid. This was followed by a steady stream of the oddest assortment of friends making their way in to pay their respects. I'm talking from the totally punked out to the totally tattooed!

Alok was starting to loose it as the funeral proceeded. The more people came, the more he seemed to realize his brother was gone. I was sitting next to him when he blurted out "this can't be happening, I need to get out of here!" All I could was listen. I mean what the hell do you say to that? He then asked me to follow him over to his brothers casket. While we were standing there he said "It wasn't supposed to be like this, we were supposed to grow old together and mary chicks our parents hated!" He then started to cry, I couldn't help but feel what he meant and I became a bit teary eyed, yet managed to choke back my emotions. I was sad, but couldn't understand why. I wasn't attached to Sam, I new him, but not well. All I could justify was that I have three brothers, and I couldn't imagine what it would be like to loose one of them. I guess it was a brother thing that made me sad.

At the end of the night a priest came to say a few words. It was a bit odd, he even said so himself, that a catholic priest be saying some words to a man that came from a primarily Hindu background. at first he said Muslim, but was quickly corrected by Alok's mom. He read a quick passage and said that Sams suffering was necessary to bring him closer to God. Alok was perplexed by this because someone his brothers age should never have had to experienced what he did.

After the wake every one headed over to a bar Sam used to DJ for called the Liars Club. By this time it had been a long day for us all. We only stayed for a few drinks. I offered to drive Aloks car home for him. He had a very tough day, he wasn't drunk, but I thought it would be best if took him home. It was a somber drive, he really didn't say much. All except, that he was going to miss the drive into Chicago. With his brother gone, there was no reason for him to keep going back and forth.

What Am I Supposed To Say

Today I learned that my friend Alok, lost his brother Sam, to brain cancer. Unfortunatley for Alok, this is the second family member he has lost to cancer. Alok's father passed away from throat cancer two years ago.

I don't know what I am supposed to say. I have never lost anyone of importance to cancer. I have never lost a brother. I have no way to relate with the pain he is fealing. Alok stopped by today out of the blue, I mean his brother had just died and he came over to my house. I was totaly surprised. All I could do was stand there and say I was sorry. I was at a loss for words.

Am I supposed to get his mind off his brother? Or, openly talk to him about his brother? I don't want to make him cry, or is he supposed to cry? All I want to do is be a good friend.

Alok told me he was expecting this and that he was still in shock, and couldn't really believe his brother was gone. I made a joke a couple months back, that everything would be ok and that maybe it would be like the end of Return Of The Jedi with Sam and his dad hanging out with Yoda! He got a laugh out of that.

Still I wonder if trying to make light of his pain is appropriate? I know in my case making jokes when shit is tense is my defense mechanism. Should I try to take his mind off him? should I focus in on his brother and the kind of guy he was? I don't know. I just feel like maybe there is something I should or could be doing.

I am a bit honored that Alok chose me to come talk too. He could have gone over to our other friends house's, but he came to mine. He even came by my work later on in the night. Said he had to get away from his family. I don't think their taking well to Sam's choice of a christian burial. Aloks family being Hindu and all. Alok told me his brother's last request was to be buried in his Ramones T-shirt, ripped jeans and combat Boots. He wanted to be Punk Rock to the end.

I can't help but get a little teary eyed when writeing this. All of the sudden extreme sadness came over me. I never thought the words below would have that much power over me.

God Speed Sam Advani June 1 1978 - May 21 2005

There's a Reason Why They're First Grade Teachers

It wouldn't be a Thursday if the damn Lonestar sponsored softball team didn't come in and keep me there all night. Only three of the team members showed up tonight. It was fortunate that they brought with them a very interesting person. The reason she was so interesting was that she is a first grade teacher at the grade school I went to when I was kid. What a small world. For a first grade teacher, she was pretty cute. She resembled Rachel Ray in a lot of ways http://www.durzy.com/pics/rachel2.JPG

Well after about an hour or so of listening to her talk to the guys it became very apparent to me why she was a first grade teacher. Now, I know an hour of conversation isn't a lot to be able to gage ones intelligence, but I think in this case it was more than enough. I mean, you would have to have something lacking if you wanted to teach little monsters, in the first place. This girl had a total lack of common knowledge. For Christ sake she learned for the first time last week how to make a paper airplane, which I replied with, "have you been living in a box for your whole life!" I can't say specifics on certain things, but this girl was just dumb. It made me appreciate Becky a whole lot more. I even said out loud after one of her moronic comments about how she hated math "I guess we know why you decided to teach first grade!" The guys got it, but she seemed perplexed. I wasn't malicious in my remarks just a little condescending.

On the other hand she had a charm to her and was very nice. I also found it interesting to know a few of my old teachers still work at the school. My 5th grade teacher Mr keeper in particular. I told her he was one of my favorite teachers of all time. He was a kind funny man, who made learning a great experience. I told her to tell him that I of all the teachers I ever had he was one of, if not the best! I mean why else would I remember his name and a lot of the projects we did so vividly. Anyways if she does manage to tell him that it might be nice to know that he had such a profound impact on one of his students. Although I haven't amounted to much yet. And considering how dumb that girl was I bet she'll have forgotten what I said.

I also informed her of my spelling blight, which I said goes way back to poor spelling test and the lack or inability on my part to read in first grade. Yeah, now whos the dumb one? She seemed a little amused of this truth, but informed me that a lot of the kids have trouble reading in first grade. I think she was just padding my ego.

Happy Birthday Gina!

I haven't spoken to my X-not my girl friend I was just seeing you for 6 months, in a wile. Good ole atention whore Gina. So I was very surprised when I got a text message from her inviting me to her birthday celebration. The reason it was odd was because I have known her for three years and she never invited me out with her on her birthday before. Even when we were just "seeing each other." So being the nice guy I am, I went.

The evening started off at Gina's parents house, which I haven't been to in two plus years. Gina's Mom didn't recognize me so I had to refresh her memory. She then promptly tried to feed me. This is an odd behavior because her mother is overly aggressive with pushing food on you. Then it was time for a tour of the house, because a lot of remodeling has happened since my last visit. I was really impressed by the kick ass hot tub they put in their backyard.

The plan was to go to the Lodge, a bar/club, which turned into a real hastle. First I was going to follow Gina and this guy in his car. But then it turned out he had to go pick up his buddy. Now I'm not sure who the hell this guy was because Gina never introduces anybody to anybody, but I'm going to assume he had a thing for her or he does. For all I know that was her boyfriend.

So Gina decides to jump out of his car and ride with me. Except first I have to go and pick up her friend. Just like Gina to spring that on me. So off I go gallivanting around Naperville or where ever the hell I was. I have no idea because it was turn left here, go right, left, left again, no go right. Ah, and all the while Gina was telling me here sob story's, with brief interest in what I was up too. Saying brief is being overly generous. When she asked me how my family was, I got through about a sentence and a half before she started whistling for no reason? She did give me one compliment saying I was the only guy who makes her laugh all the time, and she was surprised I wasn't married because of what a great guy I am. Aw that made my night, but the feeling wouldn't last.

After we picked up her friend and finally made our way to the damn Lodge, I was thoroughly lost. Once we got there we rendezvoused with a couple of her other friends. This led to a tense and award experience for me. I hate that guy you kind of know but don't really know, but he doesn't know anyone else at the bar so he hangs around your table all awkward like and nobody talks to him. Well that guy was me. I felt like a total ass. Gina, being her birthday was running around the joint. I'm not her puppy dog so I wasn't about to follow her. I left that to the other two idiots. She was getting shots from everyone and probably had more to due with her all revealing outfit. She was looking all hot and slutty in a porno star kind of way.

After a bit of awkward staring and not saying anything I went and found a place in the back of the dance floor to sit and drink my Pepsi. I haven't been to a club in a while and now I remember why. There all loud and the chicks all look like whores and the guys are douchebags. I don't know why anyone goes to clubs. I guess the girls go so they can act and dance like strippers without really being strippers. I am assuming they all learn their moves from the same place.

Why is it when your stuck doing something you don't want to due that's when everyone wants to due stuff? Becky gave me ring and wanted to something and so did my friends Alok and Doug.

After about an hour and a half I had, had enough. I tried to say good bye to Gina but at this point she was drunk and surrounded by a bunch of horny dudes. I was even going to say good bye to her friends I had just met, but strangely they had all relocated? So I just left. Sitting in my car I sent Gina a text message "HAPPYBIRTHDAY! I had to go." Well what ever, she was drunk and it was to the point.

Stop And Listen

Every couple of months or so, ok every other hour of my life, I stop and think to myself "what the fuck are we doing here Francis?" I talk to myself in the third person. I mean why am I prolonging the inevitable. The whole growing up thing.

I don't want to grow up because if I did I couldn't be a ToysRus kid! From bikes to trains to videogames theres a million toys for kids! I don't want to grow up because if I did I wouldn't be a ToysRus kid!

That one ad explains my whole life in a nut shell.

Then the other day I'm taking a piss at Lonestar and we have those newspapers that hang above the urinals, an article caught my eye. It was about this 23 year old guy that died in a car accident. He was killed when a 40 year old man high on crack cocaine blew a red light and broadside his car. The thing is, is that the kid who was killed was from the complete opposite spectrum of the guy who killed him. The kid, in a sense, had his shit together. He had just graduated from ISU and was about ot move to St Paul with his girlfriend to start his career, then blamo over in an instance.

This got me thinking about my own life. If I died today, tomorrow, next month, anytime soon, my last thoughts to myself would be, "so this is how I go, what a waist." My fear of failure is keeping me from attempting anything at all. I would be like wow I had a little fun with sporadic moments of joy with prolonged periods of depression and self doubt. All my ideas would go unrecognized and disappear in the flash that it takes my life force to extinguish.

"I am 400,000 years in the making and so is my death."
(pesrsonal quote I wrote. I've been using it a lot lately but haven't got any positive responses)
I guess most people don't think on the level I operate?

So here I am in all the the magnificence that goes into making every person on this planet, and I'm wasting it. That whole attitude of tomorrow. Well what if there is no tomorrow and in that last instance before you go over the void to find out the answer to the ultimate question we all learn in the end, you have regret? Your last emotion is regret. Not how I want to go out, even if there is a heaven.

So what the hell am I getting at with all this babble about death, regret, and wasting my life. Well I've decided to put my plans on hold (If I ever had any?) and do something drastic. Go on the ultimate adventure criss crossing the United States, in search of my self wile writing a tail worthy of Jack.

Ok it sounds good now but just wait in a week or two I won't even listen to my own words and this will all have just been another one of my novel plans with no action. But I don't know, I got the travel bug and the fear of death on the road is no greater than the fear of death at home.

A Night To Forget

Some how I have a knack for finding the most interesting people. Last night after work I was invited over to a coworkers house, along with a bunch of other people I work with. Seeing how I don't drink anymore I tend to avoid these party's, but since I've blown off the last three party's I thought I would give this one a go.

I got to Jen's apartment around 1:30 AM and the drinking was already in full swing. Now another reason for not attending work party's is seeing your coworkers making fun of one another and making ass's of them selves in general. This party would be no exception. Every one was talking trash about one another. I did manage gain one juicy bit of useful gossip, that my manager Michael is quitting in two weeks.

Around 3:00 AM the girls and guys were in full drunk mode. At this point in the night I was finding myself to feel very lonely and isolated. I don't really care much for the people I work with, and I began to wonder what I was doing there. Then the party goers got rowdy and the chicks were being coerced into qusi lesbian relations. They started making out with each other showing their boobs off and even licking each other's nipples. Yeah, I must say it was pretty cool, but not being numbed by alcohol I felt uneasy watching while the girls boyfriends looked on. It was about this time I decided I had had enough of the festivities and decided to make a quiet exit without saying good bye, I don't think anyone cared.

Being in a rather shitty mood for no reason I decided to stop by my old friend Alex's house. I have pretty much given up on Alex. We don't see each other much anymore, actually the last time I saw her was about a 2 months ago. So I thought I would say what's up and just stop by for a minute. I would have parked in her driveway, but her douchebag boyfriend has two fucken cars. so I had to park on the street behind them.

Alex didn't have much to say, just the usual this that and the other about crap I don't care about. I was in a bad mood so perhaps my thoughts on her conversation are a bit askew. It was at this point that I decided I didn't like anyone I knew anymore. I grew tired of Alex and became consumed with my thoughts of escaping this life. As I tried to make my way out Alex kept asking me to stay for a bit longer. When it was finally time to say goodbye, I was surprised to find that my car had been towed!

I know Alex felt terrible about this, but some how I wasn't bothered by this at all. I mean, I was all "what the fuck" but seeing how I was already in a shitty mood, it was just the icing on the cake. Nothing more to do but let out a big sigh and go get my car out of the hopper.

Ah, the tow yard. I was in rather good spirits at this point, I don't know why but there's no sense in getting angry over shit like this, I mean it happens. Sure it seems like a complete waist of money and extortion, but it all goes back into the economy. The impound guy seemed a bit taken back by my good spirits. His job is just that, a job and he doesn't need people yelling at him for their own stupidity. Unfortunately I landed in my predicament precisely for the fact that I haven't been over to Alex's house in over two months. You see it wasn't till about two weeks ago, I learned from the tow guy, that they started towing from her subdivision. Now isn't that a kick in the nuts.

Grey Mulken

Stupid cat costing me a fortune. Today I took the the Grey Mulken to the vet for his annual check up and vaccinations. I loathe going to the vet. Every time I go its like going to talk to a car mechanic. Their always trying to upsell you on something. I mean, why not stick a jack under the cat get out the flashlight and start pointing out what should be done, but isn't necessary, but is highly recommended!

So I go in to get $40 worth of shots, and up spending $200! My cat gets better health care then me. Since the mulchanicat is an outdoor cat, he is susceptible to all sorts of diseases and parasites. So I got him dewormed, frontline for flees, rabies vaccination, distemper (I thought that was the same as rabies?), and then blood work for feline leukemia and vaccination. Well the monkeycat got a clean bill of heath, all except he came back positive for CAT AIDS!

http://http://www.winnfelinehealth.org/health/FIV.html

So the vet tells me I need to keep him inside from now on. Something about not letting him spread the virus to other cats. Well thats all good and dandy, because didn't we just get through talking about how he is "specifically an outdoor cat." I mean thats why I just had all that work done to him. Keep an outdoor cat, one that refuses to use a damn litter box, indoors! So I just shook my head and said I'll try. I know this isn't going to happen, because someone already let the cat out while I was at work. Even though I told everyone, including drunky, not to let him out! From what I can gather the FIV wont kill the monkey cat, but the vet said he will be more likely to get tumors later on in life. well when it comes to that I'll have to put him down.

Most people are all about their pets, but cats aren't my thing. I like dogs better. I miss my Cerberus, Chein! I have a lot of dreams with him in it. One felt so real I was convinced he was still alive.

Anyways most people would do anything for their pets. So I think the vet was a little surprised by my lack of concern for my cat. The Great Malenko has had a good life and a lucky one at that. From the half dead emaciated stray that showed up at our back door 4 years ago, to the livin the high life fat cat. I remember when we first got him how funny he looked because his head was bigger than his body. Eh, hes not that bad of a cat, but I have a hard time justifying spending all that money on an ungrateful animal.

Women...

.......can't live with em, can't live with out wanting to stick your wang in one!

I would like to thank my lil bro Andrew for directing me over to http://http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html. I think the ladder theory is sound!

Tonight I "hung out" with Becky again. Thats right, hanging out, not a date. I'm doomed! We went bowling after work. Becky surprised me tonight with "so I've decided to start seeing my X-boyfriend again. Well that was a surprise to me, because only four days ago she said she was done with him for good. But, heres where the whole thing gets interesting.

Becky based her idea of "getting back together," with a known cheater, because her mom, who happens to love her X like a son, says hes not doing so well and she should "get back together with him." What the Fuck? This fucken jerkoff cheated on your daughter and you want your daughter to give him another fucken chance? Well this is the part where it gets complicated. You see, about 2 years ago Beckys dad cheated on Becky's mom with some lady he worked with. Needless to say, Becky's mom forgave her father for this. The reason she forgave him was because they were highschool sweethearts and had been married for almost 30 years. Then because she was so depressed from the fact her husband had cheated on her and her world was crashing in, she went on antidepressants.

Like mother like daughter. There lives are freaken parallel. Becky's highschool sweetheart cheets on and leaves for another chick, so she goes on anitdepressants to deal with it, and now her boyfriend wants her back so she decides what the hell it worked for my mom. Well thats how I see it at least.

I guess that does it for Becky and me. I'm not wasting my time anymore and if she wants to get jigy with her X then fine by me. Shame too, becuase like I said, "she's the first chick I've met that I would call my equall."

Happy Mothers Day

Well I must admit I'm not the greatest son in the world. I probably suck as a son, but like I say, "bad parents beget bad kids!" So sorry mom I suck at at being a good son. as a matter of fact I didn't do anything special for my mom. No card no gift no flowers no nothing, just a whole lot of lip. Which
was my fault and if I could take it back I would.

I was awoken around 1 pm by an all to familiar voice of my brothers friend Bob. when I emerged from my room I found him cleaning our kitchen! My brother Jon was sitting on the couch and Bob was wiping down the counter and clearing the table. All while my mother looked on telling Bob where to put things. Now my brother Jon tells me that Bob enjoys cleaning and he was deriving pleasure from it. Bob seemed perfectly content cleaning as he recanted us with tales from his Job.

Now Bobs cleaning for our own mother on mothers day as we looked on, made me feel a bit uneasy. As If he was indirectly saying your kids suck and I'm going to show them up by doing something nice for you. Well we do suck, so I would rather it not be rubbed in my own face. I had meant to clean the kitchen for mom but some how I found a game of Counter Strike to be a better option.

Well anyways I would like to send Bob a sincere thanks from the Cherecks for doing something my Mom has been bitching about wanting done for quite some time. I cant speak on behalf of my other siblings, because I have no idea if they sent a card or called, but I think we all appreciate your generosity.

Bizzaro Me In Woman Form

Its strange how the universe works. Its even more strange the series of events which leads up to two people meeting. Im not talking the wrong turn events but more the whole conception to now event. Its aw inspiring, and thousands of years in the making. Try to wrap your brain around that one?

Anyways, back over 2 years ago, when I used to work mornings at Lonestar, I worked with the hottest MILF ever. I always used to play around and ask her out, or ask her to hook me up with her daughter. Well her daughter, at the time, had a boyfriend who she was madly in love with and they were to be wed someday. I never gave her much thought again. I never even met her or seen what she looked.

Now we come to the present, where the once wonderful boyfriend is now a jerk ass X-boyfriend. The main character in this story, Becky, would end up needing extra income to help pay her mortgage on a house she had bought with her jerk X-boyfriend. So Becky talks to her mom and gets a second job working with me as a bartender.

Now upon my first meeting with Becky, I tried to be clever and funny. My idea of clever and funny, unfortunately doesn't coincide with most other peoples notion of clever and funny. So the first word out of my mouth was "Becky.....I'm a big fan of your mom!" This clever phrase didn't quite get the reaction I was hoping for, and no one would let me live this one down. Becky didn't seem to keen on my comment but it did make a lasting impression on her.

So a couple months go by and Becky starts to warm up to me. Now this took a lot of effort on my part. The ever constant "Becky, when you going to go out with me? Becky, I want to Due you! Becky, I think you have very pretty eyes (that one always works). Becky, I can't wait to give you the ol hot beef injection. Becky, I'm wearing you down!" Ok most of my comments could have been misconstrued as border line sexual harassment and pent up sexual frustration. The point is she didn't take them this way (its all in the delivery) Instead she thought I was pretty funny. Even the ultra bizarre shit I pulled out all the stops on, she found amusing. She even one upped me on several occasions with her same brand of dirty humor.

Finely the day would come when she would succumb to my unwanted advances and go out with me. Well, actually she asked me to work with her on Friday, which was my only day off. So I worked on my only day off and me and Becky had a blast. After work she went with me to Dave and Busters http://www.daveandbusters.com/?f=1 where we traded more story's. Turns out we have a hell of a lot in common. Its spooky because I think I found myself in woman form. Also, I don't view her as another stupid girl that could be taken advantage, or is inferior to me. Its odd, because for the first time, I found a woman that I would call my equal!

Now, I don't think I will become romatically inclined with Becky, thats entirely up to her. But seeing how shes still hung up on her X-boyfriend, which is a little cooky cause he left her for another woman. She justifies this with "I spent 6 years with the dude and I still want to be his friend." I hear thats a chick thing, even though she says she don't want him back. Anyways shes a bit coocky in a lot of the same departments I'm a bit coocky in. Well, we'll see how things develop.

Game Review: Obscure

I recently purchased the game Obscure for the Xbox. Why buy such an obscure title that you and most gamers have never heard of? Well the only reason why I purchased said title was it came recommend from EGM as a good game on a budget. Not that I listen to EGM on the likes of budget games that don't get reviewed, but for the fact that this game was a Resident Evil esque survival horror game. Now I know this will instantly turn some people off, especially reader Eric, who despises the RE series. But his game has a little twist ion the RE formula, that is it is two player simultaneous and has a story strangely similar to Alone In The Dark for the Dreamcast. Now that I think about it it has a lot more in common with Alone In The Dark than any RE title.

The game starts with a mysterious happenings at the local highschool. One of your friends goes missing and the rest of your gang gets locked in the school. So this is where you can choose from one of four players each with their own unique ability's. Well their ability's aint that special, as a matter of fact they don't really help out that much. It was definitely a something that should have been developed further.

The over all game play is the same as any other survival horror game. It consist of find item, conserve ammo, and repeat. But with the two player co-op it makes it a little more fun. Although the co-op suffers from the crappy stagnant camera angles. If player 2 walks out of player one's path then he is a goner. This can become very annoying during enemy engagements.

All in all I would give this game a 6 out of 10. It was definitely worth $20. The story is passable and unfortunately this game would have been a hell of a lot better had it just gone under some minor tweaking and refinement. Its obvious playing through the game a lot of effort was put into it. And the whole two player thing was great idea that could have come off a little better. Still nothing beets sitting down with my bro and kicking ass!