Movie Fun and Memorys

State the next line from this obscure movie, and the name of the movie. Jon you cant play, so dont give it away. Andrew do you know? Any body eles can take a stab at it.

"FOUR NOVA"

Optimus Prime Time or Optimus Prime consuming

Get it? Its a play on time and Prime

The Optimus costume is going slower than expected. Construction of Optimus's head is all consuming. I've been working on it every night after work from 10PM-6AM. I am using cardboard to frame out the whole head first, then going over it with paper mache.

Paper mache is an interesting new medium for me to create with. I come from a heavy background in ceramics ie with clay in general. So I am not quite use to the limitations that paper mache offers. It has become a frustrating process, but have learned great results can be found through trial and error. Also turning the news paper into a pulp first, then mixing it with flour and water creates similar consistency of a high grog clay.

Let me tell you making stuff out of paper mache is a messy process. I have been pretty good about keeping the mess contained to the kitchen counter, but splatter can be found as far as the dining room. Thank god we have wood floors, it makes clean up a seemingly easy task. When the flour and water mixture drys its a bitch to get off what ever it adhered to. Especially arm hair. I have to pull clumps of it off of me, yanking the hair with it. Scrubbing the stuff off only succeeds in irritating my skin .

Overal I am very pleased with the work I've done. The head piece is looking just like Optimus. Although its larger than I would have liked, I'll work on how fitting the damn thing on my head latter. I am still debaing what to do with the back of the head. Its not quite the same as Optimus's character design, but I think I might get away with some artistic freedom . I believe the only critism I would recieve, would be from hard core Transformer fans, otherwise I believe people will be like "holy shit you made that!" Check this site for some other optimus prime costumes http://www.truffulatree.com.au/badoptimus.php. Shit House Optimus is my personal favorite, and I will say my costume will look nothing like it, At all! Wish I could post pics of my progress, but should beable to very soon. My bro ordered all the pieces to the ultimate gaming PC today for a grand tottal of $1,850.00, parts should start ariving next week.

All thats left now is to start sanding down the rough edges on the Optimus helmet and piant it. Shouldn't take too long, but I am debating if I should spay paint it or go with an acryllic. Either way I need to make sure the paint on the head matches the body. Details details details.

Defrag, Lost Socks, Laundry, And Optimus Prime

How often are you supposed to defrag your computer? Once a week? Once a month? Probally more often then every 502 days I'm asumeing. This old hunk of junk computer my brother gave me to use hasn't been working so well lately. Its been loading web pages impossibly slow, if at all, and launching programs takes (use Sand Lot voice for this one) FOR EVER! So in an attempt to try to fix the problem I decide to defrag my computer. I would have done it earlier, if I new how. Ya I know what your saying. What kind of moron doesn't know how to defrag a computer? Well this one, like I said before I am completely computer elliterite, and jalk up spelling to that list as well. After a quick conversation with my my brother Jon, I learned how simple it is. Thanks Jon. I am sure my computer problems will increase when I have the ultimate PC gaming machine at my fingertips. Count down only three more days untill I have completely aquired the 2K for the building to begin. So back to the story I went in to defrag my computer and, guess what? Its been a whopping 502 days since the last one. Now I knew it was going to take a some time, but never expected it would take 7 hours. With my access to the internet down and nothing on TV, I now had to find other things to do to occupy my time.

I first decided to clean my room. Thats when I found a pair of old Nike socks that had been missing for at least 2 years down behind my bead. Uppon comparison to the same type of sock I regularly use, its funny to me how much abuse I put on my socks. The socks under regular use were torn and the alastic was all stretched out around the ankle. The MIA socks were all tight and form fitting. OK, who cares about my missing socks?

Now with the missing socks found I decided to wash them. Who knows when/or if I wore them last, and what kind of dust mights ect could be living in them. I also wash new cloths, before I wear them.

With nothing eles to do besides, Gasp, go to sleep before 8AM, I embarked on my ultimate project. It has long been a dream of mine to create an Optimus Prime costume for Halloween. Yes I am a dork, but a cool one if thats possible? No I'm not what ever eles your thinking right now. After previously researching how to go about this project on the internet, I noticed that all recreations of the G1 Optimus costumes, that I viewed, lacked one very crucial aspect. Optimus's head. Also the only good information about construction I could gather, is building such a costume would require plenty of cardboard and masking tape. The body in my oppinion, would be the easy part. The real task would be faithfully recreating Optimus's noggin. With my computer out of opperation for the time being, I went down into the dungeon (our basement) and was very carefull not to wake the sleeping giant, who had passed out from drinking too much grog (my dad). Coming from a guy who cant use a PC, I found the my dads Mack to be even more difficult to use. after about 2 hours of searching for a 3D perspective of optimus's head I came away with only 3 pics and none of wich showed the back of it. Now back upstairs to view My Transformer season 1 and 2 DVDs. Thanks Andrew for the Cristmass gifts, I knew I would get around to watching them. After an additional 2 hours of viewing I came across one eppisode in season 2, Blaster Blues, that completly shows the back of Optimus's head. To my amazement, its completely flat, with four screws in the corners. Who knew? The new problem that arose is Optimus is barly drawn the same way twice, in any given eppisode. Some times his head is smooth, somtimes its more polygonal. Sometimes his anteni are circular, other times their sharp and triangular. Yes this is the G1 Optimus, if you don't believe me check it out for yourself, but Im probaly guessing most of you don't care. My project is very ambitous, I also intend to include an openable chest cavity, where I will store a mock up of Optimus's Spark. You Got The Touch.......Song played when Hot Rod takes Optimus's Spark to become Rodimus Prime in Transformers the movie. Maybe Dare To Be Stupid would be more fitting for this.

Now its 6:22AM and my computer is done defraging. Yay! After a quick restart, I logged on to the internet. It worked! Or it least it seems to have. I noticed an immediate difference. So that brings us to now. In future post I will explain how the construction process going. Hopfully by the time I'm finished so to will my super computer, then I might be able to post pictures. The computer I use lacks a USB port, or whatever port you use to hook up a digital camera.

Beyond Good and Evil

Ok here goes my attempt at reviewing a videogame. I've read enough game mag reviews in my lifetime, that I think I can put a half decent one together.

Beyond Good and Evil is an interesting mixture of action RPG elements with a scifi storyline. I would compare to a Legend Of Zelda mixed with Odd World, with a splash of Diddy Kong Racing and crammed with animation/character design and story reminiscent to Heavy Metal the 1980's cartoon classic.

Your main character Jade, comes equipped with a limited arsenal at her disposal, a camera and this weird purple stick called the Dejae, that can only be used during predetermined action sequences. Later on Jade will receive a glove device, that for some odd reason, allows purple disc to shoot from her camera that will be useful in solving puzzles, ie hitting switches on walls to far to reach. Jades life is measured by hearts, ala Zelda, which can be expanded by finding, or buying AP-1s, fancy word for heart containers.

Two other characters will accompany Jade on her quest to seek out the truth, a pig/warthog named Pey'J (pronounced page) with his fart powered jump shoes and Double H, a human Hillys (pronounced Hillis) guard who brandishes a big hammer. Both characters offer up unique skills that must be taken advantage of in order to complete certain objections, IA photographing the conspiracy that's overcoming hillys. The potential for the adition characters falls a bit short in some respects, put the puzzles involving them are pretty well done.

BGE starts off like gang busters. You watch a small intro on this menace called the Domz that are attaching the world. Enter the main character, Jade who is doing Tia Chi under a tree when the evil scourge attack yet again. Jade quickly runs to turn on the shield barrier that protects the lighthouse/orphanage for those children who's parents have been killed by the Domz attacks, but to no avail her power has been shut off due to insufficient funds. This is where the game surprised me. It immediately jumps into an action fight sequence with Jade facing off against several Domz aliens using only a flaming two by four. I was a bit confused at first because I didn't know this game offered up any fight sequences. I only thought it was on the lines of Odd World; sneaking around, avoiding detection, solving puzzles and taking pictures.

Fighting in the game is a bit awkward in its design and limited to the point, that I didn't get the hang of it until the game was over. You can can tapp the A button on the gamepad or hold it down to charge your stick for a super attack. The super attack hardly every works, instead Jade will just continuously swing the Dejea about smacking enemies. Maybe their was a trick to charging up her weapon that I missed. Another down side to the combat system is you can accidentally smack your friends, causing them damage, when facing off against multiple opponents. Enemies will attach your friends, if they die you die, so in the process of protecting them, you will inevitably hit them from time-to-time. One very cool aspect of combat is you can sometimes control which direction you can hit enemies, ala Matrix bullet time, causing them to hurtle into objects that may pay you crystals/currency or allow you to proceed into the next area.

After your skirmish with the Domz The Alpha's arrive to take credit for saving the day fueling the propa ganda machine that the Alphas are her to save Hillys from the insidious Domz. Their a bit late and always seem to arrive conveniently after an attack. You now are given the opportunity to raise some cash, by taking pictures of local wild life for a planetary catalog. In a game about conspiracy and taking over the planet, I was convinced this would be a major part of the story, unfortunately it only offers a side quest that in the end your only rewarded with disc of all the pictures you took (their the pics you actually take in the game, kinda neat, I guess). Tracking down the some of the creatures would be next to impossible, if it weren't for the nifty animal finder you can buy later on, along with the pearl finder. Finding all the pearls is a let down as well. There's no clear reward for obtaining them all. The pearls can only be used at Mamagos Garage, run by a band of Rasta Rhinos, to further you on your adventure. Its never explained, why the rest of the world runs on credits, that the rhinos only except the pearls. I guess its to keep you from getting ahead of the linear side of the game, but still a little story in that department would have been nice.

I was immediately taken in by the BGE's story, originality, and graphics. The graphics really do a great job of pulling you into the world of Hillys, and its occupants. The animation is smooth and very fluid. The in game graphics engine is used for all but a few CGI cut scenes, which realy don't look as great. No attention to detail is spared, from the fire flies that come out at night, to the whales breaching in the ocean, and your engine in your hovercraft backfiring when you take to much damage, along with some top rate facial animation of the characters. Unfortunately this makes the game short and the world very small. On the bright side it makes the game more intriguing, and fun to observe. The voice acting in the BGE is top notch in this repsect as well. Your characters always have a little something to say, making funny comments that always apply to the situation adding to the atmosphere. For a wile I actually felt like I was playing the part in a movie.

I was really into the fist half of the game playing along with Pey'J, when he suddenly gets caught wile your investigating the factory. This is where the story starts to slip, it seems rushed to rap up. while in the factory Pey'J is replaced with Double H, who in my opinion was missing something to his back story. Double H was an informative reporter/spy, just like Jade, who got caught wile investigating the factory. So It comes as a total surprise to learn that conveintly he is also a Hillyn guard. I first thought he was being brainwashed into an Alpha elite. The second half of the game moves pretty fast at this point, with only 2 objectives left, the slaughter house, and the moon base.

This leaves Some very clever side quest to be enjoyed. While in the the city/pedestrian district you can sneak around into some sectors that hace been quardined off by the Alphas. these little stages are very reminiscent to Odd World, because their short and have you sneaking around avoiding dection from Alpha elites. Two result in a fun chase sequence that reminds me of Crash Bandicute, where your running towards the screen avoiding gun fire and dodging/ jumping over hazardous objects. This serves to break up the monotony of trial and error that is sneaking around. A note about sneaking past guards, some times you are forced to avoid detection, because if you are spotted you will be instantly killed by an overhead cannon. Other times it seems pointless to try and sneak when one placed shot from your cameras flying disc will cause the Alphas gas tank to rupture. you can then just run up and kick them in the back, causing them to fly away and explode. Another nice attention to detail, is that the Alphas will call for help, sending a another Alpha in who says "partner in distress" and rushes to aid his companion by fixing his gas tank.

All in all I give Beyond Good and Evil a 7 out of 10. Its just to short I blew through it in 9 hours. The balancing of difficultly ranges from hard to blatantly obvious/easy. In many instances you can just bypass a sneaking part by offing the Alphas. Theirs no sense in using the numerous life replenishing Kbops, because if you die you start right back at the screen with four hearts. Besides that if you use a a Kbops its a waste, because the next set of alphas you encounter might have a cannon in the room that will kill you instantly if seen. Save your Kbops for one of the 4 boss that you encounter, but even then its not to difficult to beat them without one. The story seems rushed to be over, and when it is, your like What? I guess I smell sequel, then again maybe not since BGE sales were low. Another down fall of the game are the races in your hovercraft, only four are offered. The races are really fun even though the tracks are quite small. this is an aspect in the game I think should have been expanded upon along with several others including the sequences involving your very cool space ship.

Anew Preoccupation

Well if your woundering why it's been a few days between post, I've been busy with Beyond Good and Evil for the Xbox. Interesting story about how I got some of my stuff resetup after my mother decided to move her room back up stairs, out of the basement, and disolving my once great rumpas room. I never got to experience the rumpas room's full potential, no thanks to a house guest from Vegas that took up residence for nine months when he was only supposed to stay for two weeks ruining a perfectly good couch by permiating his smell into the very essence of the couch fibers that the only alternative was to give him the couch when he finaly moved out! More on that another time. As for the moving a 30" flat screen TV (nonplasma thin wall kind, but the heavy non HD kind), I had to enlist a drunken coworker by tempting him with a six pack of Budlight left over from the night I was tempted to drink (he was dissapointed to learn it was warm beer I gave him, but he was drunk when we moved the TV, so he took it anyways). With my plans on the back burner for moving out of my parents house at this juncture, and my saving for my ultimate gaming PC born from the bowls of hell, a gaming machine so primevil, its very power source runs on a vortex core of human souls, or so I hope, at least thats how my Bro tells me its going to be built. I'l get a list of components from my bro and post those later, I dont know anything about how to work a computer, besides the internet, and this blog. True story, my brother Jon can testifie to that. So back to setting up the TV, it was laying dormant on the ground in my little brother Andrews old room for the past 4 months (no sense setting it up if your planning on leaving) but since my attempts at escaping the cone of depression that is this life force sucking house failed, and coupled with my plans falling through, I decided to just set the Xbox and TV up along with some cable three days ago. Now I remember the true reason behind leaving the TV be, I had that damn research paper to write and didn't want any distractions, nope it was the first reason never mind, if that were true then I wouldn't have been playing all those NES roms' leaving the papper to the last minute (still got an A). So once again back to the story. With just the shell of my former entertainment center set up (lacking DVD player, VCR, reciever 5.1 suround sound including subwoofer, theater set up) I set out to purchase Beyond Good and Evil (if your not familiar with the game check this link www.beyondgoodevil.com/).

Why this game? It came with high recomendations from Greg Sewart, a former EGM editor who now thinks he can make video games or so the inside joke goes. I frequent his blogg http://www.gregsewart.com/ from time-to-time leaving comments, because thats what I do now that I don't drink, comment on stuff I read. In one instance about a comment on videogame sales or something (look it up in his archives I think under too many games) he suggested that I check out Beyond, a game that had much aclaim from reviewers, but sold poorly. So Now with the tube and Xbox ready to go I went in search of this title, which was no easy task I might add. I first headed over to the local Game Stop to see if I could pick the game used for cheap. Unfortunatly this was a no go, they didn't even have a nonused copy. The guys there were even nice enough to call three other Game Stops in the area to see if they had it, no such luck. I then went to the Best Buy right next door, and they didn't have it. next up Stratford Square mall. I Stopped In Ellectronics Boutique first, they didn't have it, and they sent me to Software Ect. I like Software Ect. better anyways, I don't know why, I just do. I was in luck, they had it, and for only $20 brand spank'n new! When I went to the counter to purchase it, the clerk told me it was their very last copy. He then further noted that he rarely sees this game sold used, and that after they dropped the price on it (nation wide I assume) people began buying it up. I love it when the guys at the game shop know their video game shit, unlike those dolts that work for game stop, "ah whats it called again, never heard of it, what system is it on?" Maybe its the honesty you get from the guys at Software Ect. why I prefer them over EB and the others, then again could just be the store setup. Unlike at Best Buy where "we dont have it, but have you tried Enter The Matrix? It rocks!" I'll never fall for that mistake again. Any ways, the clerk was realy cool and suggested that when I was done with it to come back and try out Fable. He told me, he already had some stick time (gamer code for playing videogames)with it, and that it was deffinatly worth checking out, he even suggested renting it first to test the waters. I like that, not trying to sell me shit by giving me some inside scoop, although not knowing him or what genre he plays/likes, his oppinion could amount to a hill of beens.

New game in hand, I would have to wait 7 hours before getting some intamite time with it, a I had to work the closing shift that night. After an argiousely slow shift at the Lone*Star, I was entitled to some videogaming nookie. The kind you play strait for 14 hours, only resting for pee brakes and trips to the fridge for Coke. I inserted the game into the Xbox and took inventory.
Preplaying piss: check
Coke: check
Ashtray: check
Uncomfortable chair: check
Unconfortable possition in chair causing bad posture: check
I was ready to goe. As the Game booted up, my eyes were fixed to the creen, when a very gasp causeing message apeared before me. Your Xbox is having internal problems please call Microsoft tech support. What the fuck? What is this? I have never seen that apear before! hoping it was a small issue I pressed the open button, when the tray made this crunching noise as the game came out. That doesn't sound good I said to myself. Damn it! I just got everything set up, and barrowed back my Xbox from my older brother Chris's house. Thats right, I lent Chris my Xbox so he could play Steal Battalion on his massive (I want to say 60" or it could be bigger) HDTV. By the way I must add, thats how the game was intended to be played, or all games period. I then tried to close the tray, more grinding noises were emitted from the machine and the droor refused to close. With some good old fasioned finagleing and persuasion, I mannaged to get the damn thing to shut. It worked, and the game booted up as normal. Now for the review. Let me point out the game was short or I'm just too good, either way thats why I'm back to blogging. To be continued....

Alex And Me And The Hapenings Of The City

So its monday night or should I say tuesday mourning around 12:30am, and Alex gets a hankering for something to eat. She says she knows this place in Chinatown in Chicago thats open all night long. Myself afraid to eat chinese food (I get giant welts that form on my face, might be related to MSG but the DR. tells me otherwise) and having nothing better to do decide to acompany Alex on what would turn out to be a very interesting mourning.

I cruise over to Alex's pad and we take her BMW convertable, very nice ride, and head off to her old stomping grounds Chicago. It was a comfortable 75 degrees at 1:12am so we were cruising with the top down. The first place we headed to was her old swanky pad on Michigan Ave. Then we tooled around looked at a loft she was going to buy, and headed into China Town. Chinatown is not all its cracked up to be in Chicago. It consist of about two streets and four city blocks, and is located next to some crapy neighborhoods and housing projects. Alex chose Three Happiness as our destination to eat on west cermack. we arived around 1:30am and some interesting locals ie bums were hanging out in front of the restuarant. Although we weren't hasseled on our way in, the eating experience would become something out of a movie.

When we entered, the place didn't have quite the decore I expected. It was rather plane, and run down looking for a restuarant, that I had heard good things about. There was only about 10 tables to sit at in the joint. I sat down faceing the back of the establishment and Alex faced the front, so she could look out the window. We ordered pot stickers, egg rolls, crab ragoone, shrimp fried rice, and sweet and sour shrimp. Before we ate I first had to make use of the washroom facilities. I noticed on my way a big sign that said "for paying customer only." I love how the chineese write their english how they speek it. The washroom was like a closet with a nasty doornob and smelled like air freshionor covering piss. When I returned from relieveing myself I sat back down at the table to an awaiting egg roll. I was three bites into it when one of the colorfull characters from outside stepped in and said he was here to pick up an order for the two guys who had just placed it. The Chineese fello at the front said he couldn't give it to that man, that the gentleman who placed the order must come in and get it. The man responded, "what the fuck do you meen I cant get it, give me their for fucking food!" the fello at the front said "you leave now!" The colorfull man responded with "fuck you! Give me some food!" This then brought our Chineese waitress into the argument who gave her two cents. "You leave now, we no want you!" Profanities went back and forth for a couple of minutes. I was surprised at how racail slurs were completely left out, but then again I dont speek Chineese so who knows what the waitress and the fello at the front were saying to eachother after the man finally left. Me and Alex were in aw and had completely stoped eating. Like I said this is a small intamite place so we could hear and see everything. Our waitress then went in the back and brought the crab ragoone and pot stickers to our table with a smile like nothing had happened.

I said to Alex "what kind of a place have you taken me too?" Alex replied "I usually come here before 1am, but its been awile so I dont know whats up." After that event transpired, I began to take notice of the type of people who were coming into order. Nobody sat down to eat, but a lot of orders for carry out were being placed. The list is as follows, big black thug looking dude, black thug, black thug, cook county corections officer, black thug, white yuppie, Cook County corections officer, Cook County corrections officer, Cook County Sheriff, black thug and so on. When I asked Alex what was up with the corrections officers, she said "26th and Callifornia are right down the way." For those of you that don't know, its Cook County jail.

As I was eating my pot stickers a wierd moment happend, it was deja vue. I dont know if it was a preminaition, or stress due to the uncomfartable suroundings, but I said to myself, "this isn't where I die." I didnt mention it to Alex at the time, shes into Wicka, so I dont know what she would have to say about it.

As Alex and I were eating we continued chatting about random things, work, job hunting, and crap like that. I was in the middle of telling a story, which I have completly forgotten because of the events about to happen. As I was talking to Alex I noticed her eyes suddenly widen, and she stopped eating. It was almost like she was holding her breath. I then heard the fello at the front yelling "you leave, you leave" and our waitress yelling in chineese. The waitress then ran over next to me and put her arm out. Engrossed in my own story I didn't realy take notice that a man was standing next to me, with his hand on my shoulder. The waitress was now yelling at the top of her lungs "quite bothering our customer, quite bothering our customer!" I was stunned I didnt know what to do. The dishivled man was now talking in a slight voice "sir can you give me food for me and my babys, sir" the mans voice was quickly drowned out by more Chineese banter between the waitress and the fello at the front. Then the waitress yelled "you leave we call police, we call police, qiute bothering customer." Not knowing how to handle the situation I staired forward thinking he might just leave. This however didn't work, I then turned my confused gaze onto Alex. As if she knew what I was thinking (how do I get rid of this guy) told me in a very calm voice to just turn and talk to him, hell go away.

As I turned in my chair to talk to the gentlman, I was even more surprised to find his hieght to be eye level with me. We made instant eye contact. This was a very chilling moment for me. It was if the man had looked into the depths of my soul. It only lasted for a second, but felt like several minutes. As I staired back into his black portals for eyes, It felt like he was sucking the life force from me, I was completely powerless. The fello at the front had now reached for the phone as to try to make the man know he was serious about calling the police. After peering into my soul, the man quietly turned and walked out of the restuarant without speeking another word. I wounder if he had trully looked into my soul and saw something he didn't like?

Now Alex couldn't resist asking what was up with this place to the fello at the front. Alex Said "is this normal?" The fello at the front replied "no, they never come in here, only hang out front. There somthing strange tonight." The fello further remarked " we call police, but in Chicago it go against some kind free rights. you can't arrest them." Alex now had her eyes fixed on the window fallowing the shadows that crossed it. Alex began to appear nervouse, at our current location. Alex then wispered across the table to me " what if one of those wackos comes back and shoots up the place?" I tried to lay her fears to rest by making a sarcastic remark "you kidding me, this place is safer then Fort Knox! Pluss were in a Chineese place of buisiness, they probbaly got a shotgun under the counter, and know some Kung Fu." My efforts to lighten the situation, hardly worked. We ate the rest of the meal with a bit of tension, that cut our appetites short.

After we finished our meal the waitress brought out some white jello. Alex dared me to eat it, and I complied. Let me say pina colada and Jello don't mix. Somthing about the consistensy of jello and blast of artificial coconut flavoring don't go well togather. I told alex it was great anyways and she need to eat her piece. Upon closer examination of the peice she was going to ingest, looked like it had been dropped on the ground, dusted off, and put on a plate. I wounder if my peice had appeared the same? to late now, it was swiming in my gastric juices, besides my mother has food posoined me enough that I doubt I could get sick, even if it had met the floor.

With the meal over we were both contemplating how to make our escape from this place unharmed. It wasn't untill the man who had the yelling match over his attempt to steal someone eles's food returned to use their bathroom, that Alex was comfortable slipping out the front door. we didn't feel like waiting around to see if anything was going to happen.

After leaving the Chinesse restuarant from the Twilight Zone, Alex decided to give me tour of all the hot clubs/spots around Chicago. I found Crowbar to be a rather interesting place. It has no sign on the front, and no visible adress, yet its one of the most happening placeing in the city, according to Alex. Its only advertisment is word of mouth, which packs them in.

As we were leaving the city on our way home, we were stopped at a red light near 90 in the Lincoln Park area (sorry for not stopping by Jon). When out of nowhere a another incident occurs with one of Chicago's less fortunate. An old women comes up to Alex's car ranting about money, and being homeless. Keep in mind the top is down on the car so this allows the women a very intamite space to be converseing. We say no sorry when the women, who notices I'm smoking a cigarette, ask for one. We do what all people do in when aprouched by bums in their car, face forward and ignore. The Women yells out "why won't any one pay attention to me,Why does everyone ignore me?" In the back of mind I wanted to say "because your begging in the wrong neighborhood (Lincoln park is very upscale/yuppie)." The woman doesn't take to our suggestive body language and comes in closser touching Alex's car next to the drivers side door. Alex immediatly hits the gass and blows the light. I said "why did you do that?" Alexs response was "she reeked of piss, she smelled like New York." Not that I don't think that it was the appropriate response to run the light, but I could have given up one of my smokes no prob to leave us alone. Alex then said " what are bums atracted to you or something? Do you give off some kind of signal that tells them to come bother us? I think this was the most times I've ever been harrased by the homeless in one night! Besides if you give into their demandsYou'll just encourage them. dont let them guilt trip you." I could go into further detail about the rest of that conversation, but its best left for another blog.

R.E.-Quest Your Money Back or R.E.-Quest An Apocalypse To Wipe This Movie From The Planet

Can you believe the entire time I was watching Resident Evil Apocalypse I was thinking about A clever way I could work R.E. into my blogg title. My brother came up with the second one, in a matter of seconds, that's why he's the genius.

Warning!!!! Spoiler alert, if you haven't seen the new Resident Evil flick than don't read beyond this point. I plan to thoroughly eviscerate this movie, unlike any of the zombie action in this film, which was completely void of any gore!

First let me rate this compared to other movie/videogame crossovers. It falls just slitely above Super Mario Brothers the movie, and just under Mortal combat 2. The action in this movie, as my brother pointed out, is pretty cool, yet could have been completely lifted and put into any other action movie genre. The only reason this comes above Super Mario Brothers is you get to see Milla Jovovich's tits! At least Mario had a more cohesive plot and better acting in it, but boobs win this round. It falls under Mortal combat 2, because well it had worse acting (believe it or not), the characters had no back story (if you haven't played the games your clueless), the characters motives were nonexistent, the fighting scenes were blurred and hard to follow, and the explanations given are even more far fetched then bypassing a tournament for control of the earth realm.

Now to start in on the movie itself. First off, like I mentioned above, if you haven't played the games since their heyday ie Resident Evil 1-3 and Code Veronica, your completely out of luck. Complaint 1, the intro to Jill Valentine is all of 1 second. You see her legs in what appears to be an office listening to a CB, and then the camera pans you see an article hanging on the wall that's says disgraced cop. Now flash to the next scene, and she bust into a police station blowing away zombies. Keep in mind the station is full of cops, and apparently their too stupid to realize the perps their processing are zombies. Great one liner here "I told you, you have to shoot them in the head." No shit is that how you deal with zombies, we were just going to read them their rights and throw them in the lockup over night. This is her intro. Wow! What do I know about the character who is going to help carry the whole movie. Well she's a disgraced cop, knows how to kill zombies, and yah has the perfect video game lifted attire for the job. I haven't played the games in awhile (5 years), but wasn't Jill supposed to be looking for her brother Chris in Racoon City? Or am I just completely blurring the games into one? Doesn't matter because that's what this movie does a good job at. Just looked it up, Jill was from RE 1 and nobody believed her story, that's why she's a disgraced cop, now it all makes sense (Sarcasm implied). Wish I had my internet in the movie theater, then I might have been able to understand where her zombie killing ass was coming from.

This movie lifts every CG scene/theme from all the games with no real explanation's as to why their there. Lets name a few, the church (seems like a good hiding place even though it cant be fortified), A gun shop (take your pick RE 2or 3)the cemetery (RE 3 yah know the one with the giant worms, except zombies rise from their graves at just the right time), a street car, alleys teaming with zombies, the place which is reminiscent to the (I want to say the dinner from RE 3 or whatever) its the place all the STARS cops are hiding out in the movie, the hellipad (name an RE that doesn't have one), and the unsecured lab with things floating in tubes. If your a big fan and know everything about the RE universe and want to see the game put on the big screen, bad acting and all, this is your kinda movie. Hell, this movie even lifts the opening scene from Code Veronica, only its not Claire, its Alice (Jovovich) who shoots the guards gun trick and all, not a tank of gas, to knock them down.

Now on to wasted potential. This movie had promise, but seeing how it was written by that AVP ruining hack of a writer Paul W. S. Anderson, it was all pissed away. First off there's a ten minute scene in the church, which some how 3 lickers have found their way into. How/why are the lickers are here is anyone's guess. I believe they were also seeking shelter from the horde of zombies outside. This scene is a complete waste of time, not to mention you won't see the lickers again. First off you cant even see what's going on. Maybe the director was trying to establish suspense or something like what the games are famous for? What ever it is ,it doesn't work at all. Instead your left with blurry action in the dark, which is more frustrating to watch, then trying to mix together the chemicals to kill plant 41 in RE 1 or use any final boss that includes staying alive long enough to receive a rocket launcher. The church scene also has this weird homage, to what I think must have come from one of the games but can't recall, where a priest has his sister tied up to a chair and is feeding her humans. Here's another one of Jills one liners, "your Sick!" This time wasted in the church could have been better used to give Jill some much needed backstory, but then again were would we find a place to tie in our heroine. Someone needed to come crashing through a stained glass window to save everyone's ass's. The CG of the lickers seemed strange as well. One instance where a giant cross falls on a licker didn't look like it matched up right, like they just took the take and would worry about how to tie in the licker later, but then again its hard to tell when you cant see what's going on.

For a movie that is supposed to be based on video game that allows you to blow a zombies heads off with a shot gun or colt 45, its interesting that they left any zombie killing gore like this out. Huh, it seems the exploding zombie heads were left out of the budget, along with any other method that might require the purchasing of squibbs(exploding blood packs). Not to fear, you will see a lot of zombie necks being twisted in its place. Where the fuck is my zombie killing gore!!! If you haven't read my blog, Greatest Zombie Movie Ever, please read it now, then you'll understand why I'm so upset about this critically missed point. This movie is R, giving you license to go crazy with blood gore and creative zombie killing, monster killing, or human killing of epic proportion. Instead we're left with nothing. No decapitations, no exploding body's or body's torn apart by zombies, nothing. Even the way the Nemesis dies is a cop-out. It seems all the money was wasted on set design (the only redeeming quality of this movie), it sure as hell didn't go into the script or anything else. The majority of the zombie scenes are edited very strangely. Once again their blurry, perhaps so you cant see the actors playing zombies not wearing any makeup, and fast.

The only good character in this movie, is the pimp look'n black dude. He sports the duel gold pistols ala Code Veronica, and serves up the comic relief/only voice of reason. He appears to be the only one in the movie who can properly act as well, unless you count the Nemesis Which is a pretty good actor considering it lacked any facial expression or dialogue besides its garbled "STARS." Talk about a costume that was lacking, where's Stan Winston when you need him?

Especially cheesey and moronic parts that stand out are: when the phone rings and Alice says "we need to keep moving sound might attract something." Why not answer the fucking phone, yah know, to stop it from ringing. As consecutive phones ring as their walking its not until the fourth phone they pass that for no reason she decides to answer it. I guess maybe before she thought it was a tellamarketer, but this one could be important. The scene in the school where Jill hands the reporter a gun, who replies "I don't know how to use a gun." Completely ignoring this fact, Jill decides to split everyone up. Maybe that's an homage to RE Online. The crem dela crem, hand to hand combat with the Nemesis itself. After which Alice and the Nemesis share a romantic moment (seriously), through a series of flashbacks that have been used tiresly throughout the whole movie.

If this Movie had come out, hot on the heels of RE 3 I would have been all for it. Seeing how the RE series is pretty much dead right now, this movie was a complete waste of time. I may have had a different perspective if those games were fresh in my mind, but its been too long. I've lost the nostalgia for the series, and with it the patience for crap based on it. Its kind of interesting that movies are held to such high standards, yet videogames with crap plots are fun and even the cheesy story can be put aside if the game play is good enough. Maybe that's what this movie was missing after all, game play to make up for its shortcomings.

To Drink Or Not to Drink?

I have been sober for over three months now, and what have I gained from it? In my opinion nothing. I had sobered up for a reason, it was causing my mother much aggravation to deal with both my father and me. I also had to take on my greatest challenge in my school career, writing a 10 page research paper. I hate research papers! Drinking had escalated to the point that it controlled my everyday activity's. I had made goals for myself and I couldn't obtain them if I continued to drink. At my peek point in drinking, I weighed 120 lbs and could down a 12 pack in a matter of hours, all to feel the sweet release of my overburdened mind. Forget eating, getting drunk was my number 1 priority.

Now three months after I stopped drinking nothing has changed. Instead of wasting my time drinking at night I surf the net or play NES roms, instead of attending to more important issues. I can't sleep and my mind is constantly racing. I've grown away from the majority of my friends, and have a dead end social life. Nobody's available to talk or hang out at 4am. The goals/plans I had made for myself fell through like a ton of bricks. No thanks to crappy genetics on my feet. Now what? If anything I came away with more self confidence but even that is fading.

Today at work completely sucked, got yelled at, we were busy, stressing me out due to the other bartenders incompetence, when something inside me snapped. I haven't felt this in a long time. It was the overwhelming urge to just get shit faced. I haven't felt that in a while, so it was quite the unwelcome surprise. A lot of you will never understand this all powerful urge, but it must be how a heroine addict feels. It started inside my head as a little idea, until it grew and started controlling all my thoughts and became the number one focus of my mind. The whole time I was at work I was debating in my head if I could have a beer? Will I let myself down if I have one? I can stop drinking again. I've done it before, I'm no longer afraid of the void that is not drinking. It wont hurt to have a few. Will any one else care? Who am I not drinking for anyways? Myself? How long am I going to keep this not drinking thing up for? For ever (use Sand Lot voice for more effective impact)? Nothing worked out how you planned it anyways, might as well start up again. If Im going to start drinking again, today's as good a day as any. I sat in the parking lot after work for 1/2 an hour still debating, yet I was compelled to go buy beer. Its this weird nagging inside that makes you feel all uncomfortable, its absolutely maddening. I tried calling some people I know to see if they would hang out with me or at least talk for a while. No such luck. Its me and my mind, and we don't like eachother much.

As I pulled up to the White Hen I said to myself its midnight, if their not selling beer anymore then God doesn't want me to drink. As I asked the clerk if they were still selling she told me yes, so God must want me to drink. Stupid justification I know but about now I have lost all reasoning over the issue because I am so compelled. As I arrived home I was hoping my mom would be awake to talk to me, once again, no such luck. I then stashed the beer in the back of the fridge, so I wouldn't be tempted by it, thats not working. This brings me to my Dads arival home from the Bar, where he's been for the past 8 hours. He was rambling on about drug dealers and black people were up to no good in our neighborhood. Then he grabbed his samurai sword and told me to get a bat because we needed to take our streets back. Insane ramblings. You think this would have curbed my urge, to the contrary it made it stronger. As of right now 2:45am I'm still contemplating the matter. Should I drink, should I not drink, should I drink, should I not drink, should I drink, should I not drink, should I drink............

Where Were you on September 11 2001

I remember it like it was yesturday. The way my room was set up was completely different. I had a 19" Tv with all my videogames stereo and what not set up next to my bed. I was sound asleep, when all of the sudden my mother burst into my room screeming, Francis wake up wake up, we're under attack, Americas under attack! Not knowing what was going on, and having only gone to sleep a couple hours before, I was very confused as too what my mother was talking about. I thought my mother was joking, having figured out a crafty way of wakeing me up. She hates it when I sleep all day. I replied to my mother by saying what? What do you meen we're under attack, the first thing that came to my mind is that the Russians had changed their mind about us, and dropped the Bomb . My mother shouts turn on the TV they hit the World Trade Center, and the Pentagon! Who? What are you talking about? I turned on the TV and to my dissmay I saw the two WTC towers burning. I asked my mom who did this and she said that they didn't know yet, but airplanes had flown into the buildings. It wasn't before long when the news began playing the scene of the second impact. I didn't know how to handle what I was seeing. what I mean by that is, I didn't get sad or fearfull, most likely due to my complete disasociation with NeyYork and its people, and the lack of understanding the severity behind the whole situation. Instead my brain, as horrible as it sounds, handled the images I was viewing as entertainment, not real at all. As I watched I then saw the WTC 1 fall on live TV. The images of people running in fear and the massive dust ploom that tumbled through the canions of NYC envelopeing everything, only brought one thought to mind. Thats like somthing out of a movie.

The whole day stands out in my mind very bizarly. Here in Chicago the whole down town/ loop was evacuated. My father, a former Chicago Board Of Trade employee, was rushed out of his building. Their were thaughts, at the time, that all finacial institutions were a likely target. I remember him saying he was one of the last to leave, because he had to stay behind and secure their back up opperating systems. All schools were cancelled and the streets became ieraly empty. Living near O'Hare airport it was particaulars strange not to hear or see a plane in the sky.

My friend Alex just recently returned from her vacation in NYC and brought back photos of where the WTC towers once stood. Its hard to believe that after all the devastation that took place there, its completely cleaned up and looks like any other construction project.

Soulfly? That Doesn't Fly With Me

So its your average day at the Lone*Star, not very busy at all. Im standing behind the bar watching Tv and talking with the bartender, Chris, from the restaurunt next door, whos enjoying a prework beer. When in swaggers this heavy metal biker looking dude. He pulls up a chair and and immediately starts telling me about how his bike broke down and he was waiting for a tow, and that hes not from around here, hes from LA. This peeks my interest a little bit so I ask him what hes in town for? He replies that his band just played a gig at the House of Blues in Chicago. Not realy careing who he played with I asked him what he was doing in Bloomingdale? Thats more interesting to me because if he played a gig down town why would he be out this way, ie the southwest suburbs, pluss I didnt recognize him so he wouldn't play with a band I care for. Before he answered he promptly ordered a Bud Light and began asking about the bars in the neighborhood. This is where I took special interest in his deminor, he was all shaky, agitated looking, fast talking and slaming his beer, the answer to that will come later. Chris, from down at the other end of the bar, started telling him about the local grog establishments, I walked away at this point to tend to some patrons who sat themselves at one of the bar tables. when I returned the biker looking guy was telling Chris that he was in a band, and was in town to visit his brother who lived in Bloomingdale. Chris then ordered another beer for the man who inreturn ordered another beer for Chris. Seems like a nice guy so far.

I then begin simple banter with the Man, who asked me what kind of music I listen too? I gave the generic reply, everything. He then asked if I listened to any metal or hard stuff? I replied with when I was younger I used to listen to alot of heavy metal. The Man says, then you've probaly heard of my band, SOULFLY? Now at this point I've heard of the band SoulFly, but I nerver heard any of there music persay. This is where my instincts kicked in, something about his story wasnt adding up. Not knowing much about the band though I figured he might be in the band? He certainly fit the description of someone who might be in a heavy metal band. So I noded my head and say thats cool. At this point I still don't quite believe hes lagit, so I begin to probe into some deeper questioning, like what was it like being on tour with the Ozzfest? The Man gives me a long answer about venues and sound and what its like to be on stage. Pretty beliveable to me, but their very generic answers and thinking back on it now I could have given the same damn answers. So now I kinda believe hes actualy with SoulFly, but I don't care about the band so I continue chargeing him for his beers. I then leave the bar in search of a fellow coworker who might know anything about this band to find out if this guy is truely laggit.

My search of anyone who might know about SoulFly was a futile effort, the only two employees, Chad and Kristen, who would know for sure weren't working. So I had to take him on his word. When I returned to the bar the man then said he liked me and would get me into their next show in october for free. Like I said, I could careless but replied with thats cool. I believe this was an effort to befriend me, so I would not charge him for his beers. This is comman among bartenders and their loyal patrons, but it wouldn't work on me. Pluss like I explained in the post before this one, I just got done with being yelled at about bar theft. If the Man was drinking draft beer thats another story, but bottles we count, so I wasn't about to give him shit for free. Now I'm starting to get a litlle busy so I dont have time to continue anymore conversation with the Man. Thats when this new guy, I don't know his name yet but hes Bobby's friend, who works with us comes up to the bar and orders a beer. Hes not working, but had nothing better to do then come up to his new place of business, not very professional, and start drinking. I give Bobby's friend a big Bud Light draft and start him a tab. The Man and Bobby's friend immediatly start conversing, I suppose he was telling the new comer about being in SoulFly and what not. The Man then orders a another beer for Bobby's friend and tells me to put it on his tab. He then ask Bobbys freind, ( I wish I knew his damn name so I wouldn't have to keep typeing Bobby's freind) quite bluntly, for a ride to his brothers house around the corner. Bobby's Friend seemed a little reluctant, so the man enticed him with some cash. Bobby's friend then agreed, this seemed to make the Man a little more anxouis, to get going in a hurry. This sent up a red flag in mind. The Mans brother lived around the corner, and he couldn't call him to pick him up? This is where the story takes an unfortunate turn for bobbys friend.

Bobby's friend is from a small town in Ohio, hes here going to school at the Universal Technical Institute, (we call them universal technical idiots) and this is where those small town discrimination storys of the Big City come from. The Man, now in a hurry, orders Bobby's freind to slam his beer. Bobby's freind, impressed by the fact that he may have met someone famous, does so without hesitation. The Man then asked for his tab, which I promptley gave him. He looked at his tab kinda confused, probaly for the fact that I charged him for all 8 of his beers. He tossed a 20 down and told me to keep it, thanks for the 3 bucks famous rich SoulFly dude. He then reminds me that he will pass me into their next show and tosses me his phone number, Highly unlikely for a famous muscian to do so, and says in a wisper to keep that on the down low. He doesnt want fans and shit calling him. He then asked for my # and name, still not quite convinced he wasn't who he said he was, I did so. What the hell he might be lagit, and what can someone do with a cell number and name anyways? They then goe on their. After they had left I looked down at the phone number he gave me, It startedwith a 312 area code, the same for Chicago. I thought this guy said he lived in LA?

I then called my freind Doug, who happens to still like metal music, and told him the story about the guy who claimed to be from SoulFly. Doug said it might be possible, because they did just play a show, but then responed with two very important questions. Was he a big berly Mexican dude? Were there tattoos on his forarms? I said no to both, then doug said the guy was full of shit because all the members of SoulFly are big tatted up Mexican dudes!

Its about 10:30 and Im finishing closing up when the phone rings. Its Bobby's freind and he wants to talk to me about the number the Man gave me. I pick up the phone and the first thing he says to me, was that guy realy the drummer from SoulFly? I said no, the guy was full of shit. Bobby's freind then told me the turn of events after they left. The Man didn't want to go his brothers yet, so he said they should both go to chicago, where he new some people, and could have a good time at some bars. The man told Bobby's freind he was low on cash and asked if he could borrow $100.00. I dont care who you are, if you just met someone at a bar who claims to be in a famous band and you can't verify that for sure, regaurdless you just dont lend a stranger a 100 big ones. In this case Bobby's friend did. The man then asked if they could make a stop in seedy neighborhood, once again, you just don't do this with a stranger. It gets better. The Man then asked if it was ok to smoke his crystal methe that he had just picked up from the seedy neighbor hood in his car. Ya I know what your thinking, this Bobby's friend character is a complete tool. The Man then Takes Bobby's freind to a bar where they order a round of beer. The Man then tells Bobby's freind, he's out of cigarettes and hes just going to go to the gass station next store to buy some and he'll be right back. Can you guess what happens next? Thats right, the Man never came back. I then gave Bobby's friend the # the Man gave me and told him it was most likely bogus. After hearing this tale of stupidity, I didnt have the heart to Tell Bobby's friend that he never payed his tab (bet you didn't think it was important that I mention I had opened a tab for him earlyer) and the managers were going to make him pay for it the next time he worked.

In my oppinion this story isn't without a happy ending. Bobby's freind didn't end up murdered, and the loss of the 100 is a small price to pay for a great story you get to use over and over at partys. Live and learn.

The True Thief at Lone*Star

As I briefly mention before, I work at the lone * Star Steakhouse & saloon. I've worked at this dreadful restaurant for the past 5 years or so, only interrupted by a brief hiatus to live, learn, and earn at Walt Disney World. Ive been bartendeing at lone*star for the past 2 and 1/2 years, which was the biggest mistake I ever made. I would have been better off working at McDonalds, at least their with the time I've invested at Lone*star I would be a McManager by now. So many storys to share but for now im going to focus on the events that unfolded tonight.

Every two or three months the managers (incompitant, emotional, and theifs themselves, not ideal persons for resturaunt management) call a mandatory bar meeting where they accuse all 4 bartenders that we are stealing and threaten us with our jobs. Its funny, because the majority of us want to get fired, just so we'll be forced to actually look for a new job. anyways acuzations fly about on who's actualy stealing, when it realy turns out its none of us! At our last mandatory bar meeting they said their bar cost had spiked 25% in the last week and once again told us we would all be offered host posistion (incentive to quit) or could part ways if the cost didn't return to normal. At the meeting, it was also explained why Scott (Alex's boyfriend) was fired for giving another employee a taste of some extra drink he made. No sweat off Scotts back, hes the sucker with a real day job.

Tuesday night is inventory night so all the managers have to stay late and count stuff. As I was closing up, after making a total of $10.00, I was listening to the managers count off the liquor, and whatI heard was astonishing. My manager Craig reads the amount off alchohol in ever bottle and tells my other manager, Michelle, what numbers to write down. I was mopping the floor when I heard Craig say 2.5 Johny Walker Blacklable, and Michelle says that can't be right. Michelle then replies that they only wrote down 1.5 last week. Craig responds thats wrong, I must have entered 1.5 into the computer last week by mistake. Oh Michelle says, that might explain some of our bar cost issue from last weeks numbers. Craig says Ya thats a $45 bottle it would make a big difference. Im in awe at this point because last friday they just told us how we were the ones stealing, and the cause of there mysterious hike in bar costs. It gets better as they continue on with the counting. When Craig counts the Couvasier he calls out a 1.0. Michelle once again starts shuffeling her papers when she discovers another mistake on their part. Michelle says we had a 0.1 last week, but I don't see on the sheet that we brought a bottle of that down from the cabinet. Craig replies I said 1.0 not 0.1! Oh, Michelle replies, that explains why our bar cost was so fucked up last week. I couldn't believe what I just heard. You mean to tell me that no one stole anything and everything was some what acounted for, and the cause of all this agravation was because of human error by management. At that point, since I was standing next to my managers, I half expected one of them to say, ya know maybe we should appologize for acusing everyone . No such luck, instead Michelle says, this sytem for counting realy sucks , and they just continued on with their counting. Once they were done counting the liquor they started counting beer. The managers make the bartenders due a beer count too, as a double measure. I had already finished my beer count by the time they started, and was about to leave when I heard craig shout out 19 MGD light! This stoped me in my tracks and I turned to Craig and said, I think you counted that wrong, I got 23 MGD Lights. Craig looks at me like im the one that counted wrong, and looks back at the MGD Light. Craig then says, Michelle make that 23 MGD Light, without even a thanks for catching that Francis. I just quietly turned and walked out without saying, good bye.

This little insident got me thinking, it truly is time for a new job. I have been intending to write a resume' (I use a french accent when I say that word) for quite some time now, actually the past week. But, here comes the excuse, I've been busy watching Alex's place while shes on vacation in New York New York. She's got a satalite dish and the number of crap to watch is impareing my abillity, to get stuff done. Also this Blog has been consuming my early mourning freetime. I also wounder how I will get a job with my inabillaty to spell correctly. Can you count how many words I have spelled wrong in this bog alone? Im too tired to run spell check for now, so happy hunting!

Hurricane Ruining My Name

This damn Hurricane Frances is making me the punch line, not that I already wasn't, for some very unfunny jokes. You see, my true name is FranIS with an IS, Not FrancES with an ES. People are so stupid, they can't distinguish the difference between the male IS and female ES of my name. Since I work at restaurant every damn customer/guest has been commenting on my name for the past several days. Saying shit like, Hay Francis aren't you supposed to be in Florida. My response to that is, do I look like white trash (no comments from those that know me about that)? Or hay your name is the same as that hurricane in Florida. Multiple lame ass jokes like that by a 100 and it gets old fast. The only one I know who can relate to this conundrum, is my little bro Andrew, who has the same name as devastating hurricane that hit Florida and the Golf coast years ago. Hopefully Hurricane Frances wont be as devastating as their predicting, and will trail off into obscurity, much like I'm destine to do. Every time someone comments on my name and the similar name of the hurricane I find my self saying
FRANCES (use Pee Wees voice from PeeWees Big Adventure, more importantly the scene when hes at the police station and the cops ask him if he knows of anyone that would want to steal his Bike, and Pee Wee turns to the camera with an evil look and says it, to get the most of that joke).

Some Detective Work Required

An interesting comment was posted at 6:51 pm under my Greatest Zombie Movie Ever blog, by anonymous which later reveals his name to be a mister Kevin McCarthy of Hanover Park. I believe this post to be rouse by either my brother or one of his cohorts. The post is as follows:

This is the coolest movie ever!!!! Can I be apart of your club? I Live in Hanover Park and would like to get together and play video games. I have my bike and can go meet you ( I can't go past Lake street though because my mom says it's to dangerous). Dude, have you ever played any final fantasy games? Do you collect magic cards? Im not allowed to watch scary movies until Im 17, but if you don't tell anyone, I will watch one with you. cool?

The clues that its my brother are sutal

Clue 1 is the sarcasm in the "coolest movie ever!!!!!" Now you might not think sarcasm is intended but I get that vibe from the over use of exclamation points. My brother and I recently had a conversation about intended sarcasm when posting on the internet.

Clue 2 "Can I be apart of your club?" What club? I never said I was starting a club in any of my blogs. Only an inexperienced blogger would use the term club as a description for my blog site. This could be my brother, or one of his friends?

Clue 3 "Would you like to get together and play video games?" although this is listed as one of my interest, I have only posted one blog on this topic. Only someone with personal knowledge of my true interest in videogamdom would ask me that.

Clue 4 the use of "Dude," my brother uses that term frequently in his emails to me.

Clue 5 "Do you collect magic cards?" Collect magic cards, what a generic term for the vast card games that are out there. My brother not being up to snuff with games out there would use this, also adding to the perspective that this was supposed to be written by a much younger person.

Clue 6 the use of proper spelling and grammar mechanics. We are led to believe that the person who is writing this, Kevin McCarthy, is not 17 yet, and cannot watch scary movies, but has free use of the internet to explore blogspots, which could potentially contain mature material? I find this hard to believe. Also the childish way in which the sentences are constructed, yet contain proper use of () those thingys (I cant recall the word for them now). We are also informed that Kevin cant go past lake street, which is the main highway U.S. 59 that divides Hanover Park in two. If such a person was not allowed to go past it because it was deemed to dangerous to cross, I would place their age around 8, too young for the comprehensive use of the above mentioned. In addition someone who's parents wont let them see scary movies, but lets their child play final fantasy games, which are rated M, is highly dubious.

Clue 7 the limited amount of people who know my blog exist. I did a search for it and couldn't find it leaving me to believe it would be very hard for such a young person to stumble upon my blog.

Clue 8 the spelling of Hanover Park and video games. In two separate conversations with my brother I recall talking to him about how to spell videogames. I said I spell it as one word and he said he spells it as two separate words. Most recently my brother sent me an Email pointing out how to spell Hanover Park as two separate words and not as one as I listed in my Bio

Case Closed

My other theory's on this posted comment is its a set up by the Feds to see if I'm some kind of child molester. Or some very clever person looked up Hanover Park found out the main thouralfares and constructed a very broad paragragh to create a rather clever post in the form of an 8 year old. This is a genuine post, in which case I will answer the questions.

Yes the movie is awesome. No you can't join my club. Sorry we're a secret society type, like the Stonecutters, your father has to be a member in order to join. If you want to meet me, depending on where you live, you don't have to cross that treacherous Lake Street. Your Mom doesn't know what's she's talking about, you can practically play in the middle of it. Yes I've played final fantasy games, from one up to IX, when I decide the series was stagnant and not worth my time anymore. Too much reading of monotonous plot. Why would you want to watch a scary movie with me? I find most horror to be funny, but I guess if you get permition from your P's its cool.

To who ever posted the comment, it would have been more creative to have used Kevin McCalister. Why you ask? He was the spunky little kid, played by Mcalauly Culkin, in Home Alone!!!!

Damn I'm good!

The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever

If you've read my bio you may have seen under occupation I list myself as a zombie killer/vampire hunter. Alas, since zombies and vampires don't roam the earth I have to find an alternative source of work, such as waiting tables at the local Lonestar. While I'm waiting for the dead to rise, I have one quest in life and it is to write the greatest zombie movie ever. Such an odd quest you might be thinking, but its more probable then my quest to take over the world using giant mechs, by becoming the dictator of a small South American country, revitalizing its economy and inviting the evil scientist of the world to build my mechs, all under the guise of a prominent shipping company. Off topic sorry, more on that later. Any who, I was discussing with my brother what the ultimate zombie movie would consist of, and I compiled a short list of the main elements I would have in it.

1 Non stop zombie stomp'n, bash'n, smash'n, decapitate'n, make'n love to your aunt B sick to your stomach kill'n action!

2 A bit of comedy/creativeness to the zombie killing. Check out Peter Jackson's movie Dead Alive, that zombie killing scene actually disturbed me. The use of the lawnmower is just....You have to see it.

3 No lame ass story like Resident Evil, cut to the chase zombies roam the planet, and need to be killed. After a lengthy conversation with my brother on this topic, it was determined that explaining how zombies come about can drag the zombie kill'n down. Who cares where they came from its all about how to kill them. The remake of Dawn Of The Dead and Shaun Of The Dead make a good example of this theory.

4 No scocietal commentaries, to cliche.

5 Zombie killers live by the code "beat em or burn em, its the only way."

6 While trying to determine if the zombies should be slow moving or fast? My brother and I decided, fresh zombies, a week old, move fast and month old zombies are the slower clrawling type.

7 when the credits at the end role I come out and kill Dracula for no reason. I just always wanted to do that and if I'm making a movie well that's got to be in there somewhere.

Think about this, if zombies actually roamed the earth there would be world peace. Man-kind would be united for the common goal of eradicating the undead. If you were a racist you could take your pick on what ever ethnic zombie you came across.

I have the majority of this movie is planned in my head ready to go, but writing a screenplay, as I found out, is no easy task. I also have a whole movie based on Castlevania in my noggen too, trust me its cool.

The new Resident Evil: Apocalypse movie is about to hit the theaters, and I am very skeptical of its zombie killing quality. That Doosh of a director who wrote/directed the first Resident Evil and Alien VS Predator needs a kick in the head. Such wasted potential, especially in AVP. The lack of zombie action in RE was deplorable. Can that guy please stop with the zoom ins from afar, tracking dots on a map, if you've seen both you know what I mean. The only recent Zombie related thing I've seen comes from http://homepage.mac.com/chris_johnston/, check him out, he's an old EGM crew member, and has some funny shit to say about his old mag, if your into that. No pressure. Anyways heres the zombie puppet show http://www.grimmgrottogoods.com/puppetmed.html. Jon I got a think to work, now to reward Erik .

Jon VS The porn Industry

If you haven't read the previous post I was telling the story about my brother on why he bootlegs videogames. I thought his bootlegged porno collection was bigger, but after an early mourning conversation with him yesterday I found out this isn't true. It turns out he threw away his bootlegged porn after he was tipped that the Feds were after him. Just kidding about the feds, but he did admit at one point it was bigger. So as long as we were on the topic I asked about why it was ok for him to bootleg porn. He said it was ok to download porn if it wasn't copyrited. What kind of porn is he getting that's not copyrited? Must be Snuff. As the conversation progressed it turned into what I call a Jon law. Jon laws are ideas that he believes would make the world better, like making him the King of HanoverPark.

Jon law #1: Porno shall be free to individuals who are not receiving sex. If you are receiving sex you will have to buy porno. Porno will only be free to those receiving sex, only if their partner is unattractive ie fat, ugly, or grotesquely deformed.

The reasoning behind this law is, its not fare to have to pay for porn if you can't get some. I know what your saying every one can get sex, just go to a hooker. We covered this aspect too. Going to a hooker is just wrong, if your self respecting. High priced escorts aren't hookers in our opinions, but who has money for that. If you are getting some, what the hell do you need porno for? That's why the third part of the law is there, because if your capable of getting some, but your partner is unattractive so you don't want to do the horizontal polka, then you should be entitled free porn. Make sense?

EA Games VS My Brother

To start this story off you need to know a little about my older bro Jon. First off Jon is a genius, almost evil genius but his head problems aren't at that point yet. Jon supposedly has an IQ of 150 or something extremely high like that. This information comes from my father who can be highly questionable most of the time. Jon suffers from a myriad of emotional and psychological problems, because with great power comes great responsibility, most notably anxiety and depression, although if you ever met him you would think he's an everyday joe. Just to reaffirm he's a little off his rocker, Jon decided when he was 18 to go to bed for a year. He promptly did. After a series of electric shocks to the old brainola and trying several different cocktail's of medicines, he managed to come around enough to land himself on government disability (mostly with help from my mother). In Illinois we have this great program called Home Base, which allows my brother to go to the movies, eat out, buy crap, and drive around in a car, and get this, he gets reimbursed for it all. That's right the good ol Illinois Gov pays him to do shit! That's a whole other post for another time. So Jon bought himself a computer with his government pay, and that's where the trouble with EA began.

I bought Jon/myself a copy of EA's Medal of Honor for the PC. I don't remember why Jon wanted to copy the game, I think it was so his friend could play it, but he found out that EA had built in the game a block for that. This sent my brother off the hook. He ranted for hours about how it was his right to copy the game, according to him its perfectly legal to copy any disc for backup reasons only. Anyone know if this is true? Even though he wanted to copy it for back up reasons he was still going to give the copy to his friend. His reasoning never really makes sense, that's why he's crazy. So Jons pissed and decides the only way he can get even with EA and game company's like it, is to start bootlegging their games, and not buying them of course. Jon doesn't sell the games he downloads, even though he goes through all the trouble of making a case and a little professional looking jacket and CD label. According to Jon, what he is doing is a sign of protest for what the game company's are doing to their software and him. Hell my brother never even plays the games he downloads. Instead he throws them in a pile on his floor in his plush little apartment in chicago's swanky LincolnPark. Hes been up to this for a couple of years now and has amassed quite the collection. I believe his bootlegged porno collection is bigger, which he hasn't given me an explanation for why that's not illegal. Jon urges all of you in internet land to download games in protest of the non-ability to make your own backup copy.

We Have A Winner

Ding Ding Ding Ding! Thank you Erik! You're the very first person to post a comment on my blog site. Congradulations you win....er ......uh this thank you or perhaps this awsome link that I cant get to work.